When you lose a staple you relied on!

I lost my publicist five days ago and I've been in a funk about it.  I knew that the demise of our business relationship needed to happen.  There were things that I needed to do and I was spinning my wheels to try to make it happen.  I'm sure that her job wasn't easy since I'm still an unknown...and as authors, we all know how bookstores treat unknowns.

Still, I wanted to hold onto to this relationship because I realized that as long as I had her, I didn't feel as if I were all alone in this industry.  Indeed, it felt like I wasn't fighting a battle all by myself.  I felt like I had someone that I could actually voice my frustrations to and that person understood exactly where I was coming from.  Somehow, swimming in the sea of the literary world didn't feel so lonely when you had someone swimming right next to you.

In many ways, she was the resounding voice of reason.  When I felt anger over why things weren't happening, she could bring it home and give me the necessary words of encouragement that would help me get to the next venture.

Still, over time, we realized that maybe we didn't have that marriage made in heaven.  There was only so much that she could do based on where I am in my career path.  In some aspects, her hands were tied; and so at the end of the year, we parted ways.

I tried to wrap my head around my feelings about the demise of our partnership.  I knew that it was for the best.  And then it hit me.  Our business friendship wasn't just a business friendship...at least on my part.  What this feels like is a lot like losing a friend or ending a relationship.  Even in our last few exchange of correspondence where she gave me the numbers of all of the bookstores that she reached out to and wished me the best, it felt more like a breakup...and even though we said that we'd keep in contact with one another, I get the feeling that we won't.  Or if we do, the exchange will be of few words.

Either way...I'm going to miss her.

Now that I've gotten that out of my system...it's time to conquer 2012!!!