I've become somewhat obsessed with image lately. I've thought from time to time how the world may view me as opposed to how I view myself...and for good reason. You never know what's going on in the mind of someone that you've known for years much less the person that you may have just met. I've been thinking about this lately because gauging people is not my strong suit. Sometimes I guess...and many times I've been wrong on both the good and the bad.
As I continue to put myself out there and step up my game in the eye of the media, I keep thinking about how I want myself to be perceived. Recently, I've run into people that I've known for a long time, and I'm still surprised by the responses that I get, which is often different than the one that I initially received. In making contact with people that I used to work with, I've found that people that I thought were my friends...or even friendly, greet me with a smile that isn't as genuine as I thought it was. Our conversations are brief. I tell them how I'm doing; that things are fine and that I'm trying to forge a living doing what I love as opposed to working the traditional 9-5. I don't know if they think that I'm bragging or that I'm making more out of myself than I really am, but the simple truth is, all I'm doing is trying to get caught up. Would it be any different if the job that I was doing now were a nine to five? I don't know.
I ran into a former business associate who talked with me at length. And for just a moment, it felt so good to relive the good parts of what made our relationship so special. I thought that maybe we could just put aside our respective differences and start a new friendship; I mean after all, we had a good friendship at one time, didn't we? To my surprise, there was nothing after the conversation was done. It was as if we were putting on a facade of "it's-so-good-to-see-you-how-have-you-been?" Needless to say, we didn't keep in contact...so I let it go.
So what's the deal? Is perception really 99% reality? Do we remember the person that we knew as well as the experiences associated with them or do we try to get to know the person that is? I mean, isn't it true that we aren't the same person that we were six months ago much less six years ago? And if that's true, do we try to right wrongs and renew friendships, or do we just leave things in the past?
Are people really hard-wired to remember the bad instead of the good? And if we made a mistake six years ago, is it fair to still be held to that mistake even to this day? I don't know. Many of you will probably say that it depends on what was done or said. Some of you may even think, "why waste your time on the past? Leave it alone!"
But as I write this, I think, "how do you want to be perceived?" And then I follow it up with this thought which probably answers the question succinctly: People are always going to think what they want no matter what you do. If you succeed in what you are trying to accomplish, no matter how many well wishers you have, you're always going to have a small percentage of them saying that you "think you're this or that!" You can put yourself out there in the best possible light, but sometimes people will only measure by the same gauge that they measure themselves...and you will never know how great or small that gauge may be.
Perception really is 99% reality, but it doesn't have to be your reality. Let it be theirs if it does you harm. You can't stop people from thinking what they think...especially if it's negative. You can only continue to put yourself out there, not make any apologies for who you are especially if it doesn't harm anyone else. But in the event that you do harm someone else, you can apologize and hope that they put it behind them and see you for who you are as well as who you are trying to become...which hopefully is the best of you, and not the worst of you!
Response from John W:
ReplyDelete"Perception is 99% Reality" only in that people respond on the basis of what they perceive. My experience is that Friendship isn't a straight line border, but a very jagged one. Place your hands together as in a prayer, and you see a straight line between them - that's how some view friendship; you either are or aren't.
Now place your hands together with your palms facing you, and interleave your fingers; you now see that it's harder to define. Now move the hands, still interleaved... understand where I'm going? We're all busy in an increasingly complicated world, and friendship may be a moving target. Don't try to define them - or yourself for that matter. Introspection often comes across as too Self-Centered of a focus. I find more success when I concentrate on understanding others, and move on...
My response to John W.:
ReplyDeleteThanks John. I understand what you're saying completely. Trying to understand others can be challenging...and you can spend the rest of your life trying to figure out what you did or said to make them think what they do. Ultimately, you can't control them...only yourself.