Can we do better?

It is December 31st and most media outlets are doing stories reflecting on the year that has past.  We all know what happened this year.  We know that our economy is still trying to make a recovery from near collapse.  We know that people everywhere are still hurting as they try to find employment.  We have seen the worst in our society reflected in the news media where issues of child molestation, murder, robbery and rape intermingle with greed, selfishness and self-absorption.  It still boggles my mind that in a country that has vast amounts of wealth, we still have a chasm that divides the haves from the have not’s.

So here’s a thought just for laughs and giggles.  Can we as a people do better in 2012?  Can we think less of ourselves and more of our fellow man even though we are still reeling from an economy that has taken a drastic plunge?  Can we step up our game and restore ourselves to be the unified force that we at one time had been instead of representing the very worst in society to the other nations of the world?  Can those of us that believe in God bring Him to the center of our lives which is where He belongs?  Is it possible?

A few years ago, a radio personality began the New Year with a prayer.  I was returning home from a New Year’s celebration and at the stroke of midnight, I was crossing the Benjamin Franklin Bridge when I heard the prayer.  It was beautiful in its simplicity and perhaps the most fitting way to bring in the New Year, so I thought that I would share with you my own personal prayer for this 2012.

“Dear God:

Can you help me to do better this year than I did last year?  Can this be the year that I find and live out my true purpose as a man?  Can you help me with that?  Can you help me to think clearer and trust in you more often?

Can you help me to become the man that you’ve destined me to be?  And if it’s not too much to ask, help me in the area of forgiveness by making me the first person that I give that gift to. 

Can we as a people learn how to love one another in spite of our differences?  Will you bless us this year with wisdom, compassion, understanding, knowledge and prosperity?  Will you heal every hurt and ease every burden just a little?  Can you help those that need to lead…lead with love; restoring us as heads of households and homes across the country?

Can you help me to find my purpose as a man and help me to put all of my faith in your more than capable hands?  Will you remove the imperfections and flaws from my character as long as I can remain humble?

Merciful Father, may I start each day thanking you for everything you are as well as for everything you will do.  In the holy and wonderful name of your son, Jesus Christ!  Amen.”

For people that do not believe in God, I don’t wish to offend you, but everybody believes in something, so perhaps maybe you can place your faith in whatever you believe your deity to be.  You can call it whatever you want.

For the readers of my column, I wish you love, joy and peace this new year.  I truly hope that you find your blessings and in turn, be a blessing to others!!

J.L. Whitehead

The story behind the story!

When I started doing book signings at local area stores, the first thing that I thought of was "This is a lot of fun!"  The novelty wore off rather quickly...not because I don't like meeting people.  I love talking to folks.  The challenge was trying to sell yourself in a world where people are more apt to tune you out rather than pay you any kind of mind.  Don't believe me?  Try getting someone's attention while standing beside an elaborate table lined with your own books while you are still yet an unknown.  If they are interested in buying a book, most times it won't be yours unless you're willing to sell yourself...and sell yourself hard. 

Still, I've managed to sell a few books once I was able to get someone's attention and tell them about the story and why I wrote it.

I wrote "Bruthas" because I wanted to tell a story that had good characters and a strong message of family.  The brothers are as different as night and day; each one being a possible genre until themselves.  You have Jai who is the oldest.  He's successful and all about his fiancee, child and family.  He has it together and for most women, he would be the man that they would like to marry.

Ryan is the middle brother who has struggled with his gay identity for most of his adult life.  I didn't want to create another DL character since I don't like the idea of deception.  For me, deception is deception no matter what the sexual orientation of the person involved.  Instead, I tell Ryan's story by creating him as a man who is looking for the great love of his life.  I decided that his character would be reflective of many gay men.  And what I believe is that at the end of the day, gay or straight, most men just want to be loved.

Nate is the bad boy.  He has risen to one of the highest ranking positions within the notorious drug lord Marco Carrera's empire and he seems to have everything that he ever wanted...at least from a materialistic perspective.

This story is about family...with all of it's triumphs and setbacks.  Brothers don't always get along.  There are conflicts that arise.  Issues of acceptance, forgiveness and family loyalty run rampant through the pages...but most people don't buy a book to receive a message; unless of course it's the Bible.  It is for this very reason that I had to write a murder mystery around these men.

Will this work?  The reviews that are coming in suggests that the people that read it got the concept and liked the fact that this is not the typical crime novel.

Hopefully it's not.  I can only hope that I can convey a positive message while creating realistic characters.  That means that everything will not always end on a happy note.  This isn't "Happy Days" or "Leave it to Beaver".  This is Bruthas.  Like it or leave it...the novel is still my baby and I stand behind it.

So, does the story sound like anything that you would like to read?

Can we unlearn what we were taught?

Earlier today, I had a conversation with one of the authors whose work I had the privilege of reviewing.  It was through our initial interaction that we planted the seeds of what I hope to be an honest to goodness friendship as well as establishing a business collaboration on issues that we both hold dear to our hearts.  She has a newsletter that she distributes several times during the year where she provides messages of empowerment to the people that need it the most.

Recently, she wanted to do something different with her newsletter; perhaps shifting the direction without changing its purpose.  She wanted to incorporate the views of men to her readership.  Since the crux of her followers are women, her main contributors have been women; and although she was content with delivering the messages of hope and forgiveness, she wanted to do more.  And then she thought, 'What better way to shake things up than to bring on the viewpoints of men?'   The only criteria was that the men needed to have a message that coincided with the original purpose of the newsletter.  There had to be a redemptive quality to the work submitted.


As we talked today, we both took note that one of the things that is needed now more than ever for men overall and men of color in particular is a message of empowerment.  We realized that there are men in our society that don't always feel like they have the power to do the things required of them as men, such as taking care of their families and their spouses.  It was during this conversation that we realized that black men in particular are disproportionately affected in this regard; but much of it has to do with what we need to unlearn.

We acknowledged that long ago, the choices of black men were few; and because of those lack of choices there was a certain "hardening" of heart that needed to be instilled in us.  I realize that when I blast this out on Twitter, I may lose some followers that may not subscribe to this ideology.  I may even be passed off as being another black man that needs to regurgitate the crimes inflicted on African American men.  Believe me, that's not my intention.


But the simple truth of the matter is that Black men have been challenged for generations; so much that we had to be taught to be tough from a very young age.  Our mothers knew that the moment they gave birth to a black male child, that boy will have the odds stacked against him just for being black; so they taught them to "not feel".  Don't respond when injustices are done to you.  Be tough and don't feel anything because if you don't feel anything it will hurt less.  And indeed, that ideology worked...for a while.


But times have changed even though Black men remain challenged.  What has been instilled in us for survival purposes needs to be "tweeked" just a bit.  Now, we need to unlearn some of what has been instilled in us.  The world is hard.  We all know it.  Many of us have experienced its harsh realities...myself included.  But one of the things that comes up repeatedly is the ability for men to be able to disconnect from not only the harsh realities that make up our worlds, but to also disconnect from the people that we claim to love the most.  Many of us have lost track of the hidden treasures of our spouses, family and children.  We've somehow allowed the "hardening" of our spirits to enter into our homes instead of protecting us from the harsh realities of life.


Times have been difficult for all of us.  It's been rough and we are all still struggling and its no secret that many of us are still hurting.  But with all of that being said, we (and by we I mean all men) have the power to unlearn what was taught to them.  We live in an imperfect world filled with imperfect people, but we don't have to be so tough and so hard that we forget that we are human beings built with the capacity to love one another.  I'm not telling you not to be tough as much as I'm telling you WHEN to be tough.  Vulnerability comes when you love and trust someone because they can hurt you in a way that no one else can...but if they are worth the love you give, then they probably wouldn't hurt you at all...at least not intentionally.


Maybe it's time that we learn how to truly love the ones who love us unconditionally.  Maybe it's time that we learn to love ourselves the same way that our mothers have loved us.  Maybe it's time for us to take our rightful place as leaders in our homes and in doing that, we unlearn the "hardening" that has been instilled in us.  Maybe, it's time that we lead with love.

Customer Service 101 and support!

I'm sitting inside of a library in Florida while I'm writing this, but the idea has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks now.  Before I go into this, I want to tell you that I don't believe that I have all of the answers as to how we can make a living in the literary industry.  I don't fashion myself to be a know-it-all guru who thinks that if everyone listens to me, then we would all have the opportunity to make a decent living doing what we love.  Ideally, all of us would be making money and enjoying the fruits of our labor.  But the reality is most of us (and by us I mean authors who are constantly negotiating the waters of the literary industry) will make some sales of our work, but sadly some of us will never reach the earning potential that we would like.

Some of us will make more sales than others.  Some of us are better connected than others.  That's a given.  But one of the things that I've noticed is that while all of us that are in this industry choose to enjoy the recognition that we may receive by some of our constituents, many of us find ourselves limited in our earning potential.

We know that we are in an ego driven industry.  We know that it is highly competitive and that every author and entrepreneur believes that his or her product is the next best thing created since sliced bread.  We have to, because if we don't believe in ourselves, how can we rightfully expect anyone else to? 

Still, when I take a step back from our profession and look at it objectively, one of the things that I notice is the lack of unity and support that we give one another.  Sometimes, authors will purposely overlook opportunities to further advance their product if it somehow translates in their mind that they are supporting someone else.  One of the things that I noticed is that if an author supports another author, that somehow means that they are abandoning their dream to support someone elses...and as a result, they spend so much time doing the me-me-me dance until people tire of hearing about them.  I've seen it happen repeatedly.  I've been guilty of it.  As authors, we probably should be reading other authors' works.  We should be lifting and supporting one another the same way that we expect people to lift up and support us.  I don't think that people mind supporting you, especially if there is a redemptive quality to your work.  But it will not hurt you to read the works of others.  We are fortunate to be in a multimillion dollar industry.  There's money to be had by every author.  With proper marketing and distribution of your work, you are certainly entitled to a nice, hefty slice of it.  But every artist knows that there is more to this industry than just your individual project.  People may look at you differently if you say that there is another author who has talent and that their work is worth reading. 

The other thing that I've noticed is how we conduct ourselves when doing business.  Many of us have worked very hard to obtain what we have.  We've invested time, money and energy into our brand; shaping it into what we ultimately want it to become.  As a result, we may feel that we are the ones in charge and that the only parameters that we have to operate in is the ones that we created.  In short, the attitude may be, "I'm the boss!  What I say goes!"  And that may be true.  But think about one thing for a moment.  Before you became an entrepreneur, you were a consumer, and as a consumer, you probably expected a certain level of professionalism when you were interacting with a business entity.  It is no different when you are offering a service to someone.  It may be true that you may not need your potential clients dollar at that moment and if they really don't like dealing with you, there will be someone else that will.  But ultimately, money is money and we all want more of it.  After all, wouldn't it make sense to make 50K instead of 10?  Or 100K instead of 50?  If that makes sense then it would stand to reason that every person that you come in contact with is a potential client with not only the means to employ your services, but to pass the word on about you to others if they are pleased with your work.

If someone makes an inquiry about the services that you are offering, they are generally doing it because they are shopping around for the type of service that you offer or they are interested in what you as an individual have to provide.  Don't always assume that price is going to motivate people to want to do business with you.  Price is a factor, but if the person feels that you could care less about them in their interaction with you, they will take their business elsewhere.  Believe it or not, people like to feel like they, themselves have value as well as their money.

I understand that many of us have been burned before in the past by people that claimed that they could provide a service but in the end, failed to deliver what you expected.  I've experienced this first hand.  That is why people ask questions.  Most times, if you are providing a service, they aren't asking questions of you to find out how good you are (or aren't)...they simply want to make sure that they will be getting what they pay for.  If you answer someones inquiries in one-word answers, you are in essence saying, "This is my business and I'll run it the way I please or I don't need to explain anything to you."  And something like that is enough for someone to say that they just don't trust you enough to do business with you.  So what do you do?  Well, a little bit of friendliness goes a long way.  You don't have to write a novel to answer someones questions but you don't have to be overly abrupt either.  Ultimately, you want the person to do business with you and you want them to be pleased so that they can either be a repeat customer or recommend new business to you.  Sometimes, it's not just about getting the job done.  Sometimes, its about how you do the job that makes the difference for a repeat customer.


Lastly, if you are a provider of service, please...please...please...know what you are doing.  Don't sell yourself as an authority in a particular field if you know that you aren't.  The person that you deal with will know it once they begin to interact with you.  And believe me when I tell you that if you deliver something to your client, but it isn't what they expected, it isn't always the clients fault.  Most times, you've represented yourself as being able to provide a particular service to get the sale, and then failed to deliver what was promised.  Some people will blame the client saying they expected too much when in reality what they expected is what YOU said YOU could deliver.  You can't blame them for that.  Misunderstandings do crop up from time to time so it's always in your best interest to make sure that you and your client come away from the bargaining table with a mutual understanding as to what the outcome of your business dealings will be.  


Well, that's my thought for today.  If this helps anyone, great.  If it doesn't, that's okay too.  Let's just continue to make our industry great and for all of my fellow authors out there...keep writing!!

 

Blessings in disguise!!

I was watching a re-run of "The Golden Girls" when one of the characters said something that resonated with me.  The character was Sophia Petrillo,mother of Dorothy Zborniak, and what she said went something like this: "I don't know why blessings wear disguises.  If I were a blessing, I would want to run around naked!"

After my chuckle, I realized that my blessings aren't really disguised as much as they aren't always acknowledged.  I realized that every time I can think of something to write...it's a blessing.  Every friend I make on Facebook and Twitter...it's a blessing.  Every time I receive an email from my publicist who proudly tells me that she has done X-Y-Z...it's a blessing.

People have come into my life to offer me encouragement, and it always seems as if they come at just the right time.  People that I had thought were against me turned out to really be for me.  Most recently, an aunt that I had been estranged from for a long period of time came out of the wood work and called me.  She told me that she loved me and she always had.  The reason that we had drifted apart had been inconsequential.  All I remember at that point was that I loved her, and at that moment it was so good to hear her voice.

I live with a wonderful person with a beautiful heart.  Everyday, I get either a phone call or text message reminding me that I am loved.  That in and of itself is a blessing.

There are people within this industry...people that have tried my patience and perhaps made me question myself and my abilities...yet I found out that they still respect me because of what I am trying so hard to do as well as the manner in which I am doing it.

You see, I'm trying very hard to get to where I want to get to at my own expense and not at the expense of anyone else.  I will uplift you along the way if I can, but I will never step on you.  I will try to be honest in what I do and say because ultimately, I want my reputation to be one where I spoke my mind, but I didn't hurt you.  I've been on the receiving end of hurt and it doesn't feel very good.  Knowing that is a blessing.

There are people that I appreciate, but it doesn't have to do with what they've done for me so much as who they are to me.  My close friends in the literary community (and you know who you are), I've come to value and treasure.  People that are ahead of me in the game, I've also come to value you even if you have no idea that I do.  The reason for that is that you inspire me.

My family, my close friends, my partner, my publicist, my people - I want you to know that I value you...and as long as I do, you are a blessing...to me.  You may be something to somebody else, but you are a blessing to me.

I won't name you individually because if you are valued, nine times out of ten, I've probably told you.  I'm just going on record now as stating this as a fact.

For now, know that I count my blessings everyday.  And I know that at times they can be as numerous as the stars in the sky.  I also know that sometimes clouds can obscure the view.

But tonight, in my world...the sky is clear...and I am a better person for having you along side me!

Networking at it's finest

I've been focusing on networking heavily for the past two weeks.  In retrospect, maybe this is something that I should have done rather early on in my writing career.  It never occurred to me that networking with other people in the industry would be crucial to my development as an author.  Initially, I thought that either my publisher or my publicist would take charge and help me to form those relationships that would enrich my writing career.  It wasn't until I learned this valuable lesson about a month ago that forced the light bulb to go off in my head.

After not being able to sell that many books at local area bookstores, I realized that no one knew who I was.  My name meant nothing.  I had a quality product, but without having enough reviews behind me and no platform to brand myself, I suddenly realized that what I needed to do was to get out and introduce myself to the world.  I had to brand myself and remain true to my principles as both an author and a human being.

It should be just as important to me to help others as it is myself, because ultimately, that is what people will remember.  People will remember anything that isn't the norm.  There are so many people that have talent in this industry, but oftentimes, the same person that has so much talent is often preoccupied with uplifting themselves as opposed to uplifting anyone else.  Now I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that.  That behavior in this dog-eat-dog world is expected.  What isn't expected is that sometimes, you have to uplift other folks to get noticed.  You just have to be careful who you uplift since there are so many people that will take what you have to offer and leave without giving you a second thought.  Remember, so many folks will always think that it is all about them and will do anything to further their personal cause.

Now that I understand this, I can network properly without any expectation.  I will receive, even if its in the form of someone just remembering my name.  You can't know too many people and there is no such thing as too much exposure.  But I'm learning now that you have to form those business relationships because you never know who has the key that will open the door to take you to the next level in your career.

So for those of you whom I have just met...welcome to my network and thank you for allowing me access to yours.  And for those of you whom I haven't met...I can't wait to meet you!!