Recently, I got in touched with a friend that I had back in high school. I hadn't seen him in about 35 years, yet through the magic of technology, we connected. We weren't exceptionally close back in the Seventies. At best, we shared a few classes and maybe exchanged a few words to one another in passing. We didn't sit at the same lunch room table, didn't congregate outside during break and we didn't run in the same social circles. But he grew up to be an amazingly tolerate man. We text each other from time to time, but the messages are never the short exchanges that people commonly use on the phone. As a matter of fact, maybe texting is the wrong word. Maybe the more appropriate word descriptive is "email exchange". We have had many long email exchanges...mostly because we have so much to say to one another. I'm learning more about my friend now because I realize that he has become so much more than what I remember him to be back in high school.
As time marches on, we all change. We're not the same person we were last year much less 35 years ago. But if you are true to yourself, the good in you is still there...or what I would like to call, the essence of you. One of the things that he said to me in one of our exchanges is that he doesn't judge anyone regardless of race, creed, political affiliation, religion or sexual orientation. His viewpoint is very simple. You can miss out on knowing someone spectacular if you refuse to get to know someone because they fall into a category that you either don't want to understand or made yourself believe that you don't need to.
I've been fortunate enough to have had people come into my life that have rolled with me...stood by my side in my darkest hours and carefully evolved from being an associate to becoming a friend. There are people that do this not because they have to, but because this is their nature. They welcome differences just as easily as they take their next breath of air.
It made me think. Where have I fallen short in adopting this ideology, since its that very thought process that would make this world a better place. Do we as a people look for reasons to hold each other at bay instead of opening our arms wide and letting people in? Is it easier for us to remain wrapped up in ourselves as opposed to saying, "I wish to get to know you BECAUSE you are not like me" as opposed to limiting myself to people that share my viewpoints.
As I write this, I keep thinking of my friend, wondering if I can ever become the man that he seems to be. I wonder if those qualities are in my blueprint because I have a tendancy to hold people at bay, not because I'm not welcoming. I've been accused of being too welcoming and too trusting...and then the damage is inflicted. I've done something that may have been misconstrued or someone that I allowed to get too close turned out to be everything except what I thought they were. And then feelings are hurt...and we all know that with each hurt, a scab has to form. During the healing process, the area is tender and prone to infection. So you take the necessary precautions to protect it in the hopes that it will never be hurt like that again. People are like that. But sometimes, we protect ourselves so much that we miss out on some great opportunities to meet some fascinating people as we embark on this journey that we call life.
I listen as some people talk about others as if they have no value; that their very existence somehow casts a blight on humanity. I've been guilty of that thought process but more times than not, I have been the victim of it...yet I should know better.
I've always said that people judge others because somewhere deep inside them, there is a sense of insecurity that needs to be protected. Instead of letting the insecurity go, its easier to hate and condemn. I think about that too, because many of us spend time thinking of more ways to judge others than to simply live and let be. We think that the people that we don't understand will somehow take something from us if we validate their existence, but the simple truth is that it's your own bigotry that takes away from you, not the presence of the other person.
In my walk to becoming successful in this industry, I'm learning how to let go and let God. And maybe...just maybe, I can be a little bit more like my high school friend.
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