Ryan

Ryan

She waited patiently for him at the front desk, occasionally
glancing up to see if he had made his way out of the menʼs locker
room. She could hear the steady clank of the weights being used.
Two super-muscled, young white men walked in and ascended the
two steps to get to the desk. Her deep brown eyes danced over
the larger manʼs perfectly rounded rear before looking up to see if
Ryan had finally emerged from the locker room. He was
descending down the steps with gym bag in hand. He smiled
instantly when he saw her, revealing a perfect set of Hollywoodwhite
teeth. She shook her head slowly and returned his smile.
She couldnʼt help it. He was an extraordinarily good-looking man.
He stood six feet and was just as well muscled as the men that had
previously entered. His eyes were an unusual color combination of
hazel, earth and honey. He was wearing a white form-fitting tee
shirt and loose-fitting denim jeans that complemented his glutes
and thighs. He had a deep cut chest and unusually large shoulders
that tapered to a small thirty- three inch waist.

“What took you so long? Did you take a bath?” she picked up
her own gym bag.
“Donʼt you wish?” He laughed.

She loved the sound of his voice, deep and rich like that of a
late night deejay. She ran her hand through her long, thick hair,
catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she walked out of the
gym with Ryan by her side. Her hair was dark brown and tightly
curled, standing high on her head like the crown of a Nubian
queen. She had voluminous lips…lips that she was proud of. The
lips of a true black diva she used to say. She was built like an
athlete with sculpted arms and an impossibly flat stomach. She
possessed long slender-muscled legs…legs like that of a distance
runner.

“Not if I have to wait on you Baby Boy.” She responded as
they emerged into the bright sunshine. “So do you feel like
grabbing a cup of coffee before we head home?”

He nodded.

“How about ʻAfter Twelveʼ?” He suggested.
“Iʼll buy if you rub my back later.” She was teasing him again.
“You just want to get me naked.”
“And?”

They both laughed as they crossed 12th street.

“So are you going with me to my auntʼs house for Sunday
dinner?” he asked as they approached Walnut Street.
“I thought I told you I would.” She looked up at him. “And you
promised me that you would go for drinks on Friday. Right?”
“I donʼt know Tamra. I donʼt drink that much and Iʼm not crazy
about the gay clubs.”
“Ryan, you promised.”
“I never promised. I said…”
“….youʼd think about it. And you did think about it and you told
me that you would. Tell me Mr. Man, are you backing out?”
“Youʼre not going to let me out of this, are you?” He asked as
they headed towards the popular coffeehouse.
“Oh please, you know better than to ask me something so
stupid.” They walked past several of the patrons seated at the
tables that lined the sidewalk.
“Besides, Iʼm going to your auntʼs dinner. That should count
for something.” He said.
“Tit for tat, huh?”
“Pretty much.”
“Guess my timings off.” He shrugged and looked at her face.
He loved the little tiny diamond nose stud that she wore.
“You got that right.” She said in a satisfied tone.

They approached the glass door that led to the seating area.
He grasped the clear handle that ran the full length of the door,
noticing that it had been filled with coffee beans. He had never
noticed that before. They entered, his eyes going to the menu that
was posted on the walls above the serving area. Her eyes took in
the large, modern paintings that decorated the restaurant, and then
she turned to him.

“You need a trim.” She said while running her thumb against
his chin and jaw-line, feeling his thin beard. The beard actually
complimented the extremely short, tapered bald fade haircut that
he wore.

“Coffee?” he asked, approaching the counter.
“Grand Latte and Iʼll get you the usual garden salad with
buttermilk dressing and tell them to add extra eggs.”
“You got this?”
“I told you I would. Go find us a place to sit while I pay for
these.” She patted him lovingly on the behind as he turned away,
taking her bag along with his. Turning to the counter, she found
herself face to face with a peppy waiter with bleached platinum
hair, who couldnʼt have been any older that twenty-one.

“Ready to order?” he asked politely.
“Iʼm ready. Can I have a Grande Latte please with a little less
coffee in it? I would also like to have an extra-large garden salad
with some extra eggs thrown in for measure.”
“Will that be all?”
“For now…if he wants something to drink then he can come
and get it himself.”
“Give us a moment for your order. Weʼll call you as soon as it
comes up.”
“Thanks.” She flashed him a slight smile and walked to the
opposite side of the room where Ryan was seated at a semi-round,
sofa-like chair.
“Our food should be up in a moment.” She said while seating
herself across from him. “Is now a good time to talk about your
brother?”
He shook his head. “It never is.” His voice was barely audible.
“Youʼre going to have to deal with the issues that you two
have.”
“So what do you propose?” He said, slightly annoyed, “A night
of bonding? We go out and hit the strip clubs and throw back a
couple of shots?”
“Not quite like that. But what about you and him just sitting
down outside of each otherʼs environments and hashing out your
differences?”
“Itʼs not gonna happen.” He said in a tone that almost cut the
conversation short.
“Sure it can.”
“Look, I know that youʼre big on family but I canʼt force Nate to
be my buddy. In fact, I donʼt even want him to be my buddy.
Heʼs my brother…thatʼs it.”
“It doesnʼt have to be like that.”
“Heʼs not cool with me and I donʼt like the people he runs with.
Heʼs got a lot of growing up to do.”
“Maybe so but …”
“Garden Salad, Large Grande Latte up.” The call came from
the counter.

Ryan stood to get the food, silently thanking the waiter for
interrupting the conversation. He didnʼt want to talk to her about
Nate. He just wanted to get her to drop the topic so that they could
enjoy the rest of the day.

“Hold that thought.” He said, “I donʼt think youʼre gonna drop
this anytime soon, but when it does get dropped, itʼs done.”
He started towards the counter.
“Meaning what?” She asked, stopping him in his tracks.
“Meaning that when this conversation is over, we donʼt talk
about it again. Cool?”
She nodded her head with a slight smile. “Cool.”

Somewhere overhead, Anita Bakerʼs voice drifted out of
speakers linked to the storeʼs three disk CD Changer. She glanced
at the large television that hung suspended from the ceiling by two
steel cables. Ryan placed her drink in front of her before taking his
seat.

“Okay,” he began while putting salad dressing on his salad.
“Letʼs make this short and sweet because weʼve had this
conversation too many times. Nate and I are not going to act like
weʼre poster boys for brothers of the year. We havenʼt been friends
in about ten and I donʼt miss him.”
“But….“
“AND heʼs all about the wrong things in life. He wants to be
everything I donʼt.”
“How much of this is just him not understanding the ʻgayʼ
thing?”
“Donʼt know.” He dug into his salad. “Donʼt care. He seems to
think that heʼs the deciding factor in how everything in this world is
supposed to be. Iʼm supposed to be straight otherwise, Iʼm not his
family. Well, Iʼm not straight…and anyway, who gives a fuck?!”
“You do, I suppose.”
“Well, I donʼt.”
“Thatʼs what you say.”
“Whatever.” He mumbled while chewing his food.
He swallowed, looked out the window facing the street for a
moment and then back at her. “One day heʼs going to learn that it
ainʼt about him.”
“And until he learns this lesson, what are you going to do?”
“Eat the rest of my salad and drop this conversation.”

She leaned back in her seat and watched him eat.
She understood what he was saying. He and Nate have never
been close. At family functions, the atmosphere between them was
lukewarm at best. She knew that most of the problems stemmed
from Nateʼs inability to accept his older brotherʼs gayness.
They almost came to blows at a previous family dinner with Thandi,
Jai and her coming in between them. She didnʼt understand why
she had taken the rift between Ryan and Nate so personally.
In retrospect, maybe it was because her own younger brother had
been killed years before; a victim of a robbery attempt that had
gone tragically wrong. She sipped her drink and watched him eat
the last bit of his salad. She knew all too well that life was just too
short.

“You may find this hard to believe, but I really care about you
and your family.” She said watching him closely. He appeared
agitated.
He nodded.
“Why would I find that hard to believe?” He said. “I appreciate
it, but understand that thereʼs nothing that you can do to change
whatʼs going on between me and my brother. He is what he is, and
I am what I am. For now, thatʼs going to have to be good enough.”
“For whom? Your mother? You canʼt believe that sheʼs happy
with the way things are.”
“No, but she would be even less happy if she knew what Nate
was really up to.”
“Like what?”
“I donʼt want to talk about him anymore Tamra. Iʼm done.”
She felt a sigh slip between her lips.
“Ok, if you say so.” She said finally.
“I say so.” He said as a slow smile crept over his lips. “Look,
youʼre my best friend. I know you love me and I know you care.
I love you too. But this is a me and Nate thing…” His voice trailed
off. “Weʼre not going to have the type of relationship that you think
we should have. Itʼs that simple! Cut and dry. Black and white.”
Tamra took another sip of her drink and fidgeted for a moment.
She turned to look out at the street just in time to see a bus rolling
by, half-loaded with passengers.

“I had a brother Ryan.”
“I know.” He said softly. “Itʼs not the same though”
“No.” she said in an equally soft tone. “But the dynamics are.”
She stood to leave. “Just because heʼs not living doesnʼt mean that
heʼs any less my family. I love him and I miss him. I donʼt have the
chance to have the relationship that I was cheated out of. But you
do.”
“It takes two people to make a thing work.”
Tamra nodded her head slowly.
“Thatʼs right. It does. But youʼre older than Nate. That buys
you some responsibility. You have to take the upper hand and
work through this thing. No matter what he does, heʼs still your
family. And God knows, your mother believes in family.”

She paused, waiting for a response.
His gaze shifted from his empty salad bowl to the huge picture
window that faced 12th Street. She had hoped that what she said
made sense.

“Are you ready to go?” He finally asked.
“I suppose.” She said and grabbed for her gym bag.
She hadnʼt won the argument, not this time. But she smelled
victory and it was just around the corner. All she would have to do
was be patient and wait.