I want to tell you a little story about a woman that I know named Naomi. I had the pleasure of meeting her many years ago, and my memory of her is one of strength and perseverance. We’ve had many conversations over the years; conversations where she actually invited me into the inner recesses of her life.
She didn’t think that there was anything overly extraordinary about herself. As a matter of fact, she describes herself as being just another working mother that was out there trying to do the best she could. But as I listened to her recite the high and low points of her life, it became crystal clear that she wasn’t the average black woman.
She survived a physically abusive marriage. She told me that after the birth of her third child, she realized that things weren’t going to get any better for herself and her children, and it was in that realization that she summoned the courage to pack their bags, hop on a Greyhound bus and leave the man that she loved…the man that had become everything except the man that she thought he would be. She went on to say that she willingly put her life on the backburner, opting instead to raise her sons the only way that she knew how.
When she left, she didn’t have much money, but she had family, and it was in the love of her family that she took solace. She strove to make sure that her sons never knew that they didn’t have a lot. Never a day went by where they didn’t have lunch money. They went on class trips, proms, dates – and she filled their lives with many happy Christmas’s and memorable birthdays. Throughout all that, she admitted to me that there were many nights that she had cried herself to sleep because of her loneliness, but she hid her pain from her sons. She said that it was her love that she wanted to share, not her pain or disappointment.
She told me that she wanted to instill in each one of her son’s a strong sense of pride, placing particular emphasis on family. She said that she wanted them to remember family because in this day in age, sometimes family was all you had.
I was floored because the more that she talked, the more she struck me as being the exception as opposed to the norm. She hoped that the day would come when life would become easier for her sons. You see, she knew that as black men, life wouldn’t be easy for them. She tried to prepare them for life’s realities – that opportunities to excel were not always readily available for African American men. And although I have a tendency to agree with her, there’s something that we both notice in this day in age; something that we didn’t expect to see in our lifetime.
There’s an upsurge of pride that has taken root in the African American community. It has remnants of the pride that black people carried with them when they marched with Dr. Martin Luther King during the turbulent 60’s era. Black celebrities are finally stepping up and becoming leaders in their communities; lifting up their brothers and sisters instead of making it and then basking in their own success.
Celebrities like Tyler Perry create plays and movies that deliver long overdue messages of empowerment, love and forgiveness…messages that speaks to the core of our very being. Celebrities like Tavis Smiley who constantly tackle political issues that are relevant to our community. Celebrities like Tom Joyner who created Black America Web which broadcasts stories of interest as it pertains to black people. Michael Baisden who has a highly publicized radio talk show that addresses topics of interest pertinent to not only black people, but to all people.
We never thought that we would live to see African American people attempting to help one another in a public forum. But now we are, because with every charitable act, every broadcast, every fundraiser, I realize that I have a shot at being anything that I want to be. I can actually believe without a shadow of a doubt that I can become anything – as long as I work hard and persevere.
I’ve never been more proud to be a part of a race of people that have been repressed, persecuted and subjugated into slavery. I’ve discovered that part of my character is being African American, Negro…Black. I’ve embraced my rich heritage willingly and lovingly because people like Oprah Winfrey, Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden and Naomi make it so easy for me to do so.
And although I may never meet Tyler Perry, Oprah Winfrey or Michael Baisden, I have met Naomi, who by far is the brightest star out of all of the celebrities that I’ve mentioned.
You see, Naomi’s full name is Naomi Olivia Whitehead – my mother…and being African American doesn’t get any better than that.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
There are worst things than being alone...but open your eyes to confirm!
At the beginning of this year, I found myself once again taking on the literary industry single-handed. It's a battle that I find frustrating at times and rewarding at others. But the simple reality of it all is that it's no different than doing a nine to five job with the exception of the restrictions of having to be at a certain place at a given time. Every day is spent doing the task that you hope will ensure your success as both an author and a human being. You network utilizing the social media tools that will bring both you and your product to the attention of the masses with the hopes that someone will give you more than a cursory glance.
I remember talking to a good friend who happens to own a bookstore here on the East Coast recently. I told her why I do what I do. I spend time making friends on Facebook and having conversations with other authors and poets in the hopes of showcasing someone's work in the best possible light. I explained that at the end of the day, whoever reads what I've written about another author would have also been privy to my own individual writing style. As a result, I try to do my best writing each and every time I conduct a review. I try to uplift that person by asking questions that would allow my readership to get to know their work as well as who they are as an individual respectively. I explained that we are standing on the precipice of the writing industry changing into something that will eventually become the new norm. Social media tools that had at one time been used exclusively for keeping in contact with friends (or perhaps finding old and new ones) are now the norm. We can't afford to be without them. Having your own website has become the new business card.
Still, with all of this, at times I feel isolated in my quest to become who I am supposed to be. I understand that my walk is very personal and only I can take these steps. But the funny thing about your walk is just when you think you're walking alone, you find that you really aren't. You find that there are people that understand you...perhaps even admire you for what you are trying to accomplish. Just having the tenacity to move forward when circumstances may tell you that you can't do it earns the respect of some people that come into your life. Circumstances change and just when you think you have to compromise who you are trying to be...BAM, someone comes into your life to prod you into moving in the right direction. It's happened to me many, many times...so I keep it moving forward.
I realized that there are worst things than being alone. You could be isolated. But isolation can be self-imposed. You don't have to play to an audience of one. Alone doesn't translate to lonely just like working singularly doesn't mean that you are by yourself. There are people all around you...you just have to have the wisdom to open your eyes to see them.
So whatever your dreams are...keep reaching for them. You will not obtain them doing nothing at all. No one is going to come along and drop it in your lap. Most of us have to get out there and do the non-glamorous aspects of our career to achieve the level of success that we desire.
There are worst things than being alone. Sometimes, that very thing can be a dream unrealized.
J.L. Whitehead
I remember talking to a good friend who happens to own a bookstore here on the East Coast recently. I told her why I do what I do. I spend time making friends on Facebook and having conversations with other authors and poets in the hopes of showcasing someone's work in the best possible light. I explained that at the end of the day, whoever reads what I've written about another author would have also been privy to my own individual writing style. As a result, I try to do my best writing each and every time I conduct a review. I try to uplift that person by asking questions that would allow my readership to get to know their work as well as who they are as an individual respectively. I explained that we are standing on the precipice of the writing industry changing into something that will eventually become the new norm. Social media tools that had at one time been used exclusively for keeping in contact with friends (or perhaps finding old and new ones) are now the norm. We can't afford to be without them. Having your own website has become the new business card.
Still, with all of this, at times I feel isolated in my quest to become who I am supposed to be. I understand that my walk is very personal and only I can take these steps. But the funny thing about your walk is just when you think you're walking alone, you find that you really aren't. You find that there are people that understand you...perhaps even admire you for what you are trying to accomplish. Just having the tenacity to move forward when circumstances may tell you that you can't do it earns the respect of some people that come into your life. Circumstances change and just when you think you have to compromise who you are trying to be...BAM, someone comes into your life to prod you into moving in the right direction. It's happened to me many, many times...so I keep it moving forward.
I realized that there are worst things than being alone. You could be isolated. But isolation can be self-imposed. You don't have to play to an audience of one. Alone doesn't translate to lonely just like working singularly doesn't mean that you are by yourself. There are people all around you...you just have to have the wisdom to open your eyes to see them.
So whatever your dreams are...keep reaching for them. You will not obtain them doing nothing at all. No one is going to come along and drop it in your lap. Most of us have to get out there and do the non-glamorous aspects of our career to achieve the level of success that we desire.
There are worst things than being alone. Sometimes, that very thing can be a dream unrealized.
J.L. Whitehead
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Do you live your dream...or look for work?
This is an older post...but it still applies today!
Like many people in this country, last year I joined the ranks of the unemployed. When the pink slip came, I can honestly say that it was expected being that a small percentage of the company also lost their jobs that day. I wasn’t upset. I knew that there would be people that I would miss; some more than others. At the point of separation, I had a choice: I could either join another organization immediately, or I could reach for a dream. Ever since I was twelve years of age, I had aspirations of becoming a writer although admittedly, I didn’t know what genre I would go into. All I knew was that I needed to write. As my inscription reads on my Twitter page, writing for me is tantamount to breathing. Truer words were never spoken. Thus, for me the choice was easy.
But reality can wake you up like a dash of cold water in the face and sooner or later, you have to realize that your dream may have to be put to the side to run concurrently with the job that you have to claim, and for some people that choice can be disconcerting at best if not downright frightening. When our economy tanked, many of us had no idea how long we would be feeling the effects. Many of us didn’t know that the statistics for unemployment would still be at 9.01% (15% for African Americans) as we move towards the close of 2011. But that is the reality for many of us.
Over the years, the interview process has become more intense. There was a time when you would interview with one person and a decision would be made that you would either obtain the job applied for or not. Now, the new norm is that you interview with no less than three people and many factors are taken into consideration that had never been a point of deliberation before; things like your credit score and what you place on your Facebook page as well as what your previous employers have to say about you.
People that are forced to look for work now have to deal with a different set of odds than they had to in the past. Some corporate officials don’t even feel the need to get back to you when you wind up being one of the final top five candidates vying for one position. Indeed, there is a low grade fear that runs through applicants searching for the one job that will give them something in addition to that paycheck. Older candidates are competing with college graduates that will gladly take the position for considerably less money than someone who has years of experience, forcing older job seekers to settle for a lesser salary than what they are accustomed to making. Making matters worse is that companies are simply not hiring at the rate that we would like. It’s gotten better, but we are not where we need to be…not yet anyway. The atmosphere in the corporate world has morphed into something that you can’t read easily and the only thing truly apparent is that you have to work twice as hard just to get your foot in the door. It isn’t easy.
So what do you do? Do you accept the cards that you are dealt and continue on your current path or do you re-visit the dream that you had at one point in your life to be an entrepreneur and start your own business? That’s a tough call to make because reality dictates that you have to support yourself. If you have a family then you have to take care of them. Bills still need to be paid, food needs to be put on the table and mortgages and/or rent needs to be satisfied. None of those factors are minimized simply because you’ve made a conscious decision to pursue your dream.
But one thing has become very clear: people are being forced to re-evaluate where they are in life. They are compelled to take a long hard look at how they make their money. There has to be another way besides the traditional job, and many of us are finding that the traditional job route is no longer a viable option. That isn’t to say that I’ve negated the formal nine to five, but sometimes you have to look at the options that you have and choose the one that works best for you.
We’re living in an age where the divide between the have and the have not’s is increasing, and there are certain political figures that make no promises about closing that gap. Indeed, the rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Maybe it’s time for you to reach for that dream that at one time seemed so absurd that you simply placed it on a back burner. Maybe you subscribed to the notion that it is simply unattainable. Well, that may be true. Or…maybe it’s time for you to take the lid off of the cookie jar. Maybe it’s time for you to start doing some research to find a way to make your dream a reality.
Sometimes, it may mean starting up that business at the same time that you look for (and hopefully find) a job that you can live with. Maybe it’s time to make the decision that the only ladder that you want to climb is the one that you’ve made for yourself, and if you’re going to have to work twice as hard anyway, let it be for you and your family. There is nothing wrong with reaping the rewards of your hard work. We all know that it’s not for everyone. Everyone is not designed to work a full time job and start a business. But I ask you, wouldn’t it be nice if the person that you had to report and answer to every day is yourself?
And with all of that being said, what is it that you REALLY want?
J.L. Whitehead
Like many people in this country, last year I joined the ranks of the unemployed. When the pink slip came, I can honestly say that it was expected being that a small percentage of the company also lost their jobs that day. I wasn’t upset. I knew that there would be people that I would miss; some more than others. At the point of separation, I had a choice: I could either join another organization immediately, or I could reach for a dream. Ever since I was twelve years of age, I had aspirations of becoming a writer although admittedly, I didn’t know what genre I would go into. All I knew was that I needed to write. As my inscription reads on my Twitter page, writing for me is tantamount to breathing. Truer words were never spoken. Thus, for me the choice was easy.
But reality can wake you up like a dash of cold water in the face and sooner or later, you have to realize that your dream may have to be put to the side to run concurrently with the job that you have to claim, and for some people that choice can be disconcerting at best if not downright frightening. When our economy tanked, many of us had no idea how long we would be feeling the effects. Many of us didn’t know that the statistics for unemployment would still be at 9.01% (15% for African Americans) as we move towards the close of 2011. But that is the reality for many of us.
Over the years, the interview process has become more intense. There was a time when you would interview with one person and a decision would be made that you would either obtain the job applied for or not. Now, the new norm is that you interview with no less than three people and many factors are taken into consideration that had never been a point of deliberation before; things like your credit score and what you place on your Facebook page as well as what your previous employers have to say about you.
People that are forced to look for work now have to deal with a different set of odds than they had to in the past. Some corporate officials don’t even feel the need to get back to you when you wind up being one of the final top five candidates vying for one position. Indeed, there is a low grade fear that runs through applicants searching for the one job that will give them something in addition to that paycheck. Older candidates are competing with college graduates that will gladly take the position for considerably less money than someone who has years of experience, forcing older job seekers to settle for a lesser salary than what they are accustomed to making. Making matters worse is that companies are simply not hiring at the rate that we would like. It’s gotten better, but we are not where we need to be…not yet anyway. The atmosphere in the corporate world has morphed into something that you can’t read easily and the only thing truly apparent is that you have to work twice as hard just to get your foot in the door. It isn’t easy.
So what do you do? Do you accept the cards that you are dealt and continue on your current path or do you re-visit the dream that you had at one point in your life to be an entrepreneur and start your own business? That’s a tough call to make because reality dictates that you have to support yourself. If you have a family then you have to take care of them. Bills still need to be paid, food needs to be put on the table and mortgages and/or rent needs to be satisfied. None of those factors are minimized simply because you’ve made a conscious decision to pursue your dream.
But one thing has become very clear: people are being forced to re-evaluate where they are in life. They are compelled to take a long hard look at how they make their money. There has to be another way besides the traditional job, and many of us are finding that the traditional job route is no longer a viable option. That isn’t to say that I’ve negated the formal nine to five, but sometimes you have to look at the options that you have and choose the one that works best for you.
We’re living in an age where the divide between the have and the have not’s is increasing, and there are certain political figures that make no promises about closing that gap. Indeed, the rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Maybe it’s time for you to reach for that dream that at one time seemed so absurd that you simply placed it on a back burner. Maybe you subscribed to the notion that it is simply unattainable. Well, that may be true. Or…maybe it’s time for you to take the lid off of the cookie jar. Maybe it’s time for you to start doing some research to find a way to make your dream a reality.
Sometimes, it may mean starting up that business at the same time that you look for (and hopefully find) a job that you can live with. Maybe it’s time to make the decision that the only ladder that you want to climb is the one that you’ve made for yourself, and if you’re going to have to work twice as hard anyway, let it be for you and your family. There is nothing wrong with reaping the rewards of your hard work. We all know that it’s not for everyone. Everyone is not designed to work a full time job and start a business. But I ask you, wouldn’t it be nice if the person that you had to report and answer to every day is yourself?
And with all of that being said, what is it that you REALLY want?
J.L. Whitehead
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