ARTICLE WRITTEN FOR "THE EXAMINER"
There’s a personal ideology that I’ve subscribed to most of my adult life that may explain why in this day in age, racism continues to exist. In 2012, we still (for the most part) have to deal with the perception of who is REALLY the superior race…as if there was ever such a thing. In 2012, a young teen-aged boy was shot simply for being black as well as being in the wrong place at the wrong time. My heart goes out to Trayvon Martin’s parents as they struggle to cope with not only the loss of their child, but the very reason why they lost their child in the first place.
Racism is nothing new. Its existed and flourished for centuries and unfortunately American culture is steeped in it. Many of us know of the horrors that some races of people have been subjected to by other races of people. Racism at one time had been an acceptable way of life, and the very act of blatant discrimination was not only the norm, it was expected. Today, discrimination still exists, but it’s now cleverly masked. Our social conscious has been raised to the point where it is considered not only politically incorrect to assume the worst in our fellow man based solely on the color of his skin; it is in most circles deemed downright wrong and offensive. I say most circles because there is a portion of our population who will struggle to hold on to the idea that there is such a thing as racial superiority; that indeed, there are members of our population who are less deserving of the civil liberties that are afforded to most people of this nation.
I’ve always thought that man has an innate need to feel superior to his fellow man. There are people, (black, white and everything in between) that believe that one race of people are better than the other and that the particular race in question deserves every opportunity to thrive and advance. These same people do not believe that all men were created equal. In fact, they may use their own repressive tactics to support their particular beliefs. For instance, if you have one group of people that has been allowed to flourish and another that has not, the party that has thrived will then blame the disenfranchised party deeming them as lazy and non-deserving of wealth or prosperity. Somehow, the group of people that didn’t have access to equal education and opportunities are labeled that they are non-deserving because they are simply inferior. Yet the reason why they are being labeled inferior is because of the lack of equality and access to opportunities. It’s a vicious cycle.
Trayvon Martin appears to have been yet another victim of a hate crime…and we all know that hate crimes resonates deep within our culture igniting outrage and the need for change. We are reminded of how ugly we can be as a people, and we are left wondering why in this day in age, do we have to deal with the senseless death of another child, because like it or not, that’s what the Martin case has become. He is a reminder that attitudes that were prevalent throughout history still exist today. He is a reminder that until we start to see the best in our neighbors as opposed to the worst, racism will continue to exist. Attitudes need to change if we are to survive as a people because we know that, for the most part, there is only one race…the human race.
We need to understand that there is a place for everyone on this planet; whether we understand their culture or not, and that the only reason that a person should be denied access to peace, prosperity and happiness should be based on the content of their character (meaning, are you a threat to society as we know it) and not the color of their skin.
I don’t know what was going on in Zimmerman’s mind since I only know what the media has reported. By me saying this, I am by no means defending him. By the media’s account, he made assumptions which led to choices made that he can’t take back. Trayvon wasn’t just a black child…he was a child. His dreams will never be realized. We will never know what he would have become.
But if Zimmerman did kill this child because he assumed that he was up to no-good simply because he was black, then that says something about him as an individual as well as a portion of our society. It shows that some of us still have a long way to go as a people and that the need to feel better than our fellow man has to be abolished so that we can then move forward and dwell in the peace and harmony that I believe God had purposed for us to begin with.
Of course, the other piece of this highly emotionally charged case is the way that it is being handled which reflects the ideas and values that society may place on the lives of other races of people.
Still, the only thing that I know is that I could be Trayvon’s parents. So could you. We know that racism is taught. So what do you do? We learn from this and teach our children how to love instead of hate. We start there because we have to start somewhere. Otherwise, several months from now, we will be reading about another Trayvon Martin.
J.L. Whitehead
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Abuse: A survivor's tale...Patricia's Story
This is an interview that I conducted with abuse activist, Patricia McKnight. She is a childhood abuse survivor as well as a survivor of domestic abuse. Here is her story:
It’s a beautiful, quiet day today. There’s a slight chill to the air as I look outside my window at the rows of beautifully kept homes lined with lush trees and light colored grass that will turn to a deep green as we glide from winter to spring. And as I look at these homes, the first thing that crossed my mind is not how wonderful the neighborhood appears, but what is really going on behind the closed doors of some of these beautiful homes.
I thought about that as I began to write this article because I know that domestic abuse is the crime that hides in plain sight. I know from talking to abuse victims, that there are telltale signs but many people choose to ignore them. No one wants to reach out to help the victim. Some simply choose not to get involved.
I met Patricia McKnight through one of the previous articles that I had written. She is an advocate for the rights of battered spouses and abused children. But what makes Ms. McKnight so intriguing is not who she is, but where she came from. An introduction is not needed. Instead, judge for yourself as you read Patricia’s Story.
The Examiner: Do you remember when your particular circumstance of abuse started for you?
PM: This moment I will never forget. Returning home from a weekend with my most beloved grandmother and my father's family; having celebrated my fifth birthday with them. As she said goodbye to my brother and I there was a very tight hug and I could feel her very special love for me, but that would be the last time I saw her until my grandfather's passing at age 19. As I ran to my mother's door, returning home with my presents in hand and a very happy girl, I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw the evil spiraling out of a man's eyes who was sitting on our couch. A few months later he was left to care for my brother, the neighbor boys and myself while my mother attended her bridal shower. It was that night the snake of the devil made his first violent attack of molestation and perverted acts towards me, with the boys in the same room. The next twelve years of my life would be under his complete sadistic control, violent rape, years of night time visits; simply all of the ugliness and cruelty of abuse that you could possibly imagine plus much, much more. My mother had walked in on us when I was nine and found me in her bed, naked as he was using his "toy doll", but instead of rescuing me she got angry and sent me to my room for the night. I was not allowed to join in for dinner, but made to come out and clean up the mess. For years I was the family care taker, babysitter, cook, and housekeeper; but in simple terms...a SLAVE!! As I grew it was never safe to bathe in my home and I decided to quit bathing as a mode of protection. This resulted in a skin infection of some type that ate away at my arms and legs, leaving me now to be disgusted by my own reflection. There was never any medical care or dental care, not even the provision of a tooth brush. An entire community watched and was even disgusted by how I looked. Many teachers and school mates were afraid they would catch something if they made contact with me. The community and the police knew of drunken teenage parties, the violence of my stepfather's rage when he drank and many times there were brutal physical attacks public to everyone, but still no one said a word or ever questioned my safety or care.
The Examiner: What was the lowest point in life that you had to face?
PM: I would say that the very lowest point of my life actually happened twice. The first was when my stepfather's sadistic desires lead to rape with a shotgun barrel. At that moment of only being 12, I physically died inside and my entire view of myself and what I deserved in life was changed for the next 25 years. It started me down a long term path of self-destruction and promiscuous behavior. Actually I became a very ugly person inside and out. I began drinking, which was highly promoted by my family life. I used marijuana and speed drugs to make me feel numb or escape into someone else. The men and relationships I chose to live were almost deadly. There were multiple attempts from various boyfriends and husbands to actually end my life. This came through beatings, kicking, choking, and drowning attempts. They used weapons to hold me captive in corners cowering and praying for my life. The only reason I am here today is because of the higher grace of God who for whatever reason made them stop at that precise moment and walk away rather than killing me. This was the pattern of accepted abuse and it was my life through three marriages and even a few simple dating relationships. The last beating was so severe that it lasted for two solid hours.
I was awakened at 4:00 am with my husband on top of me choking me. I was able to maneuver myself and reach my head up to fiercely bite his left upper wrist which caused him to let go, but set off a furious rage of punching, throwing, kicking, and finally trapping me naked in a corner of my son's room. He then used an old style heavy chrome legged chair…the kind from the 60's style kitchen set that served as an art table for my children. The chair became his fury and it was repeatedly smashed down on my back, head, and wherever he could connect. His stature was tall, lean and strong; but his rage made him insanely powerful. It took two hours before I could crawl to a phone after he spit on me and walked away. As I called 911 it came to me that our neighbors on the opposite side of the duplex had to be awakened by this fighting. You could hear between our homes as there was only a wall that separated the actual home. They turned a blind ear as many had done in the past. When the police arrived I was told that either both of us were going to jail or one had to leave. I forced myself up from the position at the top of the stairs, bruised; shaken; crying; searing with pain, but I decided at that moment I was done with this evil and never again would anyone get away with harming me. During my marriage to this husband, named "Marcus" in the novel, "My Justice", my children were living with us and I did not realize the impact the violence of our marriage was having on them. After I got away and with the support of a very dear friend who gave me safe place to stabilize my thoughts; it was then that I used the education I had worked for to begin a career in which I could take care of my children and myself and purchase a home for us to rebuild and create our safe world. It was important to try and mend what horrors they had experienced. When you are in the very pit of this evil, you don't often realize the damage done to your children as they cower and hide from the battles. This became my rebuilding point, my strength and desire to do better, live safe, and create a world for them to enjoy.
The Examiner: What did you do to change your circumstances?
PM: The best thing I ever did to help myself was at 25 and pregnant with my third child, I went back to school. I completed my G.E.D. courses and went on to achieve valedictorian from a small business academy in Fredrick, Maryland - Abbie Business Institute. This gave me the belief in myself that I could actually be more and strive for more than all of the violence and control in my life. That night some 9 years later when I left my second husband; it was this education that gave me the ability to provide us with shelter, clothing, food and the necessities to survive without the financial control and violence of another.
The Examiner: Could you tell our readership about your publication and the programs that you are affiliated with?
PM: In February 2011, I released the true graphic novel, "My Justice" and finally gave voice to that person who had been forced into the silence of torture and abuse. This was not only my freedom, but more as a way to apologize and explain to my children who their mother was and why there was so much pain in their lives. It also became my strength to reach out and connect with others who had survived these types of trauma. In January 2011 I started creating a "secret" group connection using the Facebook group applications. This is still safely running today and we have a small community of about 50 women who have overcome their circumstances and are now rebuilding their lives. I make it a point to check in with them, provide any resources they may need to get back on their feet. It's very hard work to actually rebuild the person you are, but if you truly want to be safe in your world it is something you must do; if not for yourself then for your children. Any woman who is struggling with this rebuilding and recovery process is welcome to reach out to me at facebook.com/triciagirl62 and we will discuss their needs and the support or resources they may need. Then we include them in our family of positive supporters who are growing stronger and brighter each day.
Also with the publication of "My Justice", I've been able to connect with some wonderful people. Best-selling author and advocate Peter Thomas Senese not only purchased and read my story, but gave rave reviews and provided two major press releases in the PRWeb site. He has become a friend and I've learned of all he is doing as an advocate. In my view his actions are sincerely directed at protecting our children.
I have been really blessed by connecting with the amazing team at Dreamcatchers for Abused Children. Not only did they do an interview of my story on their blog talk radio programing, but then brought me into this realm as a host for a special program; Survivors Speak Out. Of course this has grown tremendously, as my bond with the Founder/C.E. O. - Ms. Sandra Potter, who is a very well established author, but more so a strong and devoted advocate for the safety of all children. Also our President, Ms. Donna Kshir; a platinum level author and another sincerely devoted advocate. These two amazing ladies have given me the opportunity to reach out and inspire many lives. They've given me the position of Executive Director of the Dreamcatchers for Abused Children Blog Talk Radio Programing. We are revamping and refreshing our programing now. Our listeners from all around the world join in with me to share our stories, support those who are healing, inspire them to reach out and achieve their full potential. We also discuss cases of abuse, provide education on awareness, prevention and intervention of many types of abuse. Our wide spectrum of violence in this world is not only the abuse, bullying, teen dating violence, self-harm, emotional scars and suicide of these victims; but more importantly using our voices and special guests to provide them comfort and knowledge to pass on to others. When we can discuss these crimes openly then we can remove that bond of silence within society and break down those barriers of shame that trap us in this world. This programing gives me the opportunity to touch people lives all over the world and inspire them to allow the rejuvenation of human kindness and caring, vigilance against these crimes and protecting the children in our circle. Those we see each day in our neighborhood and those within our family. We encourage everyone to at least check out our dedicated team of advocates and specialist; survivors and inspirers. You can find me on the show Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's by going to www.blogtalkradio.com/dreamcatchersforabusedchildren. You can also check out our new 24/7 live stream of every show recorded through wix.com/dreamcatcherstalkrad. Go to our website and find resources, books, testimonials, education materials and much more at www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com . Everyone can also find our World Wide Non-Profit 501(c)3 at facebook.com/dreamcatchersforabusedchildren or myspace.com; Linkedin; Twitter and most any other social web tools.
The Examiner: How did this evolve into the blog talk radio program and would you provide the specifics such as when the show airs and your call in numbers?
PM: Our show airs, three days a week. Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The broadcast starts at 9:00pm e.s.t. and is usually a two hour program, full of great information and amazing guests. All of our listeners are encouraged to call in and get involved in the discussions and can do so by calling (917)932-1132 and then press 1 to get in the queue and talk with me live. The most wonderful part of this is the comments left by our listeners who have repeatedly stated how well they loved the show, connecting with me, and most of all feel comforted and SAFE!! This is the most beautiful thing I could ever ask for; it tells me I am where I'm supposed to be now and I am using my past experiences in a very positive manner to enlighten and inspire others to keep moving forward.
The Examiner: Would you mind telling the readership about your book entitled, "My Justice"?
PM: This is a journal to my children to explain and apologize to them for the horrible pain they suffered because of the abuse I was "trained" to accept as normal in my world. You can find "My Justice" through Amazon.com / BN.com / Authorhouse.com and it's been published in the Kindle; Nook; E-Book and paperback formats. The cover of "My Justice" has received many wonderful comments about how well it truly connects with the body of this story. I have to give that credit to my wonderful son and very talented artist, Brett T. Sanders and his beginning business of KreAtion Studios. The substance and depth of this story has left an impact on all of its readers. They have reviewed it as being a "Magnificent well written story about a very horrific subject". It has been deemed "A learning tool for anyone who is involved directly with children to be watchful of the many silent signs of abuse and what can be hidden behind the neglected and dodging child". Author Peter Thomas Senese heralded this novel as "A call to arms for all human kind to stand against the abuses in our world, but also an amazing portrait of the survivor's determination to achieve that happiness in life and overcome each barrier to finally reach their FREEDOM!!"
The Examiner: What is the message that you want to convey to all women that are in situations of domestic abuse?
PM: Don't believe in the brainwashing emotional and physical abuse that anyone might subject you to. Find just one piece of belief in yourself and allow it to be the building blocks of your complete happiness. There is nothing in this world that you cannot achieve if you put forth the devotion to make it happen. It is very hard work, therapy is a great way to gain that support and create a "Positivity" list for yourself. Each day write down one positive something about yourself. Carry this list with you everywhere. As you are feeling beaten down and have no strength or energy to carry forward; especially when the anxiety and P.T.S.D. set in on you heavy, that is when you take out that list and began reading it over and over out loud to yourself. Saying each positive mention about yourself and truly believe in the words you are speaking; it will provide a huge helping tool to refocus your thoughts on the present surrounding of your life and what it is that is good in you as a person and in the new beautiful world you are building.
The Examiner: Would you mind providing all of your contact information in case someone reading this should be inclined to reach out to you?
PM: I sincerely love connecting with other survivors and creating that positive energy between us as we move forward in this mission of awareness and taking down that brick wall of silence. You can reach out to me in many ways, email me; tricia.mcknight@hotmail.com ; You will find me on Facebook - facebook.com/triciagirl62 ; Twitter - @tricialgirl62 or through my new blog site - survivorsjustice.com ; the Dreamcatchers for Abused Children website as above and for the blog talk programing as well. I encourage anyone who is suffering to reach out and connect with just one person you trust and allow the emotions that were forced to remain silent for so long to finally have a voice and be told. Talking about your past is a huge step in the healing process and no one should be forced to bury such horrific secrets of crimes against them; not crimes that they have committed. Remove the blame and shame from the victim and allow it to be placed where it should be, the evil monsters who attack us out of sick power to maintain control over what life has been given to us by the grace of God.
We all deserve the following positives in life and they have also been shared on the last page of my novel as a beginning list to your own "Positivity List" which will help you begin your own steps toward freedom and happiness.
You deserve respect
You deserve kindness and support
You deserve as much love as you freely give to others
You deserve roses in your garden of life
J.L. Whitehead
It’s a beautiful, quiet day today. There’s a slight chill to the air as I look outside my window at the rows of beautifully kept homes lined with lush trees and light colored grass that will turn to a deep green as we glide from winter to spring. And as I look at these homes, the first thing that crossed my mind is not how wonderful the neighborhood appears, but what is really going on behind the closed doors of some of these beautiful homes.
I thought about that as I began to write this article because I know that domestic abuse is the crime that hides in plain sight. I know from talking to abuse victims, that there are telltale signs but many people choose to ignore them. No one wants to reach out to help the victim. Some simply choose not to get involved.
I met Patricia McKnight through one of the previous articles that I had written. She is an advocate for the rights of battered spouses and abused children. But what makes Ms. McKnight so intriguing is not who she is, but where she came from. An introduction is not needed. Instead, judge for yourself as you read Patricia’s Story.
The Examiner: Do you remember when your particular circumstance of abuse started for you?
PM: This moment I will never forget. Returning home from a weekend with my most beloved grandmother and my father's family; having celebrated my fifth birthday with them. As she said goodbye to my brother and I there was a very tight hug and I could feel her very special love for me, but that would be the last time I saw her until my grandfather's passing at age 19. As I ran to my mother's door, returning home with my presents in hand and a very happy girl, I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw the evil spiraling out of a man's eyes who was sitting on our couch. A few months later he was left to care for my brother, the neighbor boys and myself while my mother attended her bridal shower. It was that night the snake of the devil made his first violent attack of molestation and perverted acts towards me, with the boys in the same room. The next twelve years of my life would be under his complete sadistic control, violent rape, years of night time visits; simply all of the ugliness and cruelty of abuse that you could possibly imagine plus much, much more. My mother had walked in on us when I was nine and found me in her bed, naked as he was using his "toy doll", but instead of rescuing me she got angry and sent me to my room for the night. I was not allowed to join in for dinner, but made to come out and clean up the mess. For years I was the family care taker, babysitter, cook, and housekeeper; but in simple terms...a SLAVE!! As I grew it was never safe to bathe in my home and I decided to quit bathing as a mode of protection. This resulted in a skin infection of some type that ate away at my arms and legs, leaving me now to be disgusted by my own reflection. There was never any medical care or dental care, not even the provision of a tooth brush. An entire community watched and was even disgusted by how I looked. Many teachers and school mates were afraid they would catch something if they made contact with me. The community and the police knew of drunken teenage parties, the violence of my stepfather's rage when he drank and many times there were brutal physical attacks public to everyone, but still no one said a word or ever questioned my safety or care.
The Examiner: What was the lowest point in life that you had to face?
PM: I would say that the very lowest point of my life actually happened twice. The first was when my stepfather's sadistic desires lead to rape with a shotgun barrel. At that moment of only being 12, I physically died inside and my entire view of myself and what I deserved in life was changed for the next 25 years. It started me down a long term path of self-destruction and promiscuous behavior. Actually I became a very ugly person inside and out. I began drinking, which was highly promoted by my family life. I used marijuana and speed drugs to make me feel numb or escape into someone else. The men and relationships I chose to live were almost deadly. There were multiple attempts from various boyfriends and husbands to actually end my life. This came through beatings, kicking, choking, and drowning attempts. They used weapons to hold me captive in corners cowering and praying for my life. The only reason I am here today is because of the higher grace of God who for whatever reason made them stop at that precise moment and walk away rather than killing me. This was the pattern of accepted abuse and it was my life through three marriages and even a few simple dating relationships. The last beating was so severe that it lasted for two solid hours.
I was awakened at 4:00 am with my husband on top of me choking me. I was able to maneuver myself and reach my head up to fiercely bite his left upper wrist which caused him to let go, but set off a furious rage of punching, throwing, kicking, and finally trapping me naked in a corner of my son's room. He then used an old style heavy chrome legged chair…the kind from the 60's style kitchen set that served as an art table for my children. The chair became his fury and it was repeatedly smashed down on my back, head, and wherever he could connect. His stature was tall, lean and strong; but his rage made him insanely powerful. It took two hours before I could crawl to a phone after he spit on me and walked away. As I called 911 it came to me that our neighbors on the opposite side of the duplex had to be awakened by this fighting. You could hear between our homes as there was only a wall that separated the actual home. They turned a blind ear as many had done in the past. When the police arrived I was told that either both of us were going to jail or one had to leave. I forced myself up from the position at the top of the stairs, bruised; shaken; crying; searing with pain, but I decided at that moment I was done with this evil and never again would anyone get away with harming me. During my marriage to this husband, named "Marcus" in the novel, "My Justice", my children were living with us and I did not realize the impact the violence of our marriage was having on them. After I got away and with the support of a very dear friend who gave me safe place to stabilize my thoughts; it was then that I used the education I had worked for to begin a career in which I could take care of my children and myself and purchase a home for us to rebuild and create our safe world. It was important to try and mend what horrors they had experienced. When you are in the very pit of this evil, you don't often realize the damage done to your children as they cower and hide from the battles. This became my rebuilding point, my strength and desire to do better, live safe, and create a world for them to enjoy.
The Examiner: What did you do to change your circumstances?
PM: The best thing I ever did to help myself was at 25 and pregnant with my third child, I went back to school. I completed my G.E.D. courses and went on to achieve valedictorian from a small business academy in Fredrick, Maryland - Abbie Business Institute. This gave me the belief in myself that I could actually be more and strive for more than all of the violence and control in my life. That night some 9 years later when I left my second husband; it was this education that gave me the ability to provide us with shelter, clothing, food and the necessities to survive without the financial control and violence of another.
The Examiner: Could you tell our readership about your publication and the programs that you are affiliated with?
PM: In February 2011, I released the true graphic novel, "My Justice" and finally gave voice to that person who had been forced into the silence of torture and abuse. This was not only my freedom, but more as a way to apologize and explain to my children who their mother was and why there was so much pain in their lives. It also became my strength to reach out and connect with others who had survived these types of trauma. In January 2011 I started creating a "secret" group connection using the Facebook group applications. This is still safely running today and we have a small community of about 50 women who have overcome their circumstances and are now rebuilding their lives. I make it a point to check in with them, provide any resources they may need to get back on their feet. It's very hard work to actually rebuild the person you are, but if you truly want to be safe in your world it is something you must do; if not for yourself then for your children. Any woman who is struggling with this rebuilding and recovery process is welcome to reach out to me at facebook.com/triciagirl62 and we will discuss their needs and the support or resources they may need. Then we include them in our family of positive supporters who are growing stronger and brighter each day.
Also with the publication of "My Justice", I've been able to connect with some wonderful people. Best-selling author and advocate Peter Thomas Senese not only purchased and read my story, but gave rave reviews and provided two major press releases in the PRWeb site. He has become a friend and I've learned of all he is doing as an advocate. In my view his actions are sincerely directed at protecting our children.
I have been really blessed by connecting with the amazing team at Dreamcatchers for Abused Children. Not only did they do an interview of my story on their blog talk radio programing, but then brought me into this realm as a host for a special program; Survivors Speak Out. Of course this has grown tremendously, as my bond with the Founder/C.E. O. - Ms. Sandra Potter, who is a very well established author, but more so a strong and devoted advocate for the safety of all children. Also our President, Ms. Donna Kshir; a platinum level author and another sincerely devoted advocate. These two amazing ladies have given me the opportunity to reach out and inspire many lives. They've given me the position of Executive Director of the Dreamcatchers for Abused Children Blog Talk Radio Programing. We are revamping and refreshing our programing now. Our listeners from all around the world join in with me to share our stories, support those who are healing, inspire them to reach out and achieve their full potential. We also discuss cases of abuse, provide education on awareness, prevention and intervention of many types of abuse. Our wide spectrum of violence in this world is not only the abuse, bullying, teen dating violence, self-harm, emotional scars and suicide of these victims; but more importantly using our voices and special guests to provide them comfort and knowledge to pass on to others. When we can discuss these crimes openly then we can remove that bond of silence within society and break down those barriers of shame that trap us in this world. This programing gives me the opportunity to touch people lives all over the world and inspire them to allow the rejuvenation of human kindness and caring, vigilance against these crimes and protecting the children in our circle. Those we see each day in our neighborhood and those within our family. We encourage everyone to at least check out our dedicated team of advocates and specialist; survivors and inspirers. You can find me on the show Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's by going to www.blogtalkradio.com/dreamcatchersforabusedchildren. You can also check out our new 24/7 live stream of every show recorded through wix.com/dreamcatcherstalkrad. Go to our website and find resources, books, testimonials, education materials and much more at www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com . Everyone can also find our World Wide Non-Profit 501(c)3 at facebook.com/dreamcatchersforabusedchildren or myspace.com; Linkedin; Twitter and most any other social web tools.
The Examiner: How did this evolve into the blog talk radio program and would you provide the specifics such as when the show airs and your call in numbers?
PM: Our show airs, three days a week. Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The broadcast starts at 9:00pm e.s.t. and is usually a two hour program, full of great information and amazing guests. All of our listeners are encouraged to call in and get involved in the discussions and can do so by calling (917)932-1132 and then press 1 to get in the queue and talk with me live. The most wonderful part of this is the comments left by our listeners who have repeatedly stated how well they loved the show, connecting with me, and most of all feel comforted and SAFE!! This is the most beautiful thing I could ever ask for; it tells me I am where I'm supposed to be now and I am using my past experiences in a very positive manner to enlighten and inspire others to keep moving forward.
The Examiner: Would you mind telling the readership about your book entitled, "My Justice"?
PM: This is a journal to my children to explain and apologize to them for the horrible pain they suffered because of the abuse I was "trained" to accept as normal in my world. You can find "My Justice" through Amazon.com / BN.com / Authorhouse.com and it's been published in the Kindle; Nook; E-Book and paperback formats. The cover of "My Justice" has received many wonderful comments about how well it truly connects with the body of this story. I have to give that credit to my wonderful son and very talented artist, Brett T. Sanders and his beginning business of KreAtion Studios. The substance and depth of this story has left an impact on all of its readers. They have reviewed it as being a "Magnificent well written story about a very horrific subject". It has been deemed "A learning tool for anyone who is involved directly with children to be watchful of the many silent signs of abuse and what can be hidden behind the neglected and dodging child". Author Peter Thomas Senese heralded this novel as "A call to arms for all human kind to stand against the abuses in our world, but also an amazing portrait of the survivor's determination to achieve that happiness in life and overcome each barrier to finally reach their FREEDOM!!"
The Examiner: What is the message that you want to convey to all women that are in situations of domestic abuse?
PM: Don't believe in the brainwashing emotional and physical abuse that anyone might subject you to. Find just one piece of belief in yourself and allow it to be the building blocks of your complete happiness. There is nothing in this world that you cannot achieve if you put forth the devotion to make it happen. It is very hard work, therapy is a great way to gain that support and create a "Positivity" list for yourself. Each day write down one positive something about yourself. Carry this list with you everywhere. As you are feeling beaten down and have no strength or energy to carry forward; especially when the anxiety and P.T.S.D. set in on you heavy, that is when you take out that list and began reading it over and over out loud to yourself. Saying each positive mention about yourself and truly believe in the words you are speaking; it will provide a huge helping tool to refocus your thoughts on the present surrounding of your life and what it is that is good in you as a person and in the new beautiful world you are building.
The Examiner: Would you mind providing all of your contact information in case someone reading this should be inclined to reach out to you?
PM: I sincerely love connecting with other survivors and creating that positive energy between us as we move forward in this mission of awareness and taking down that brick wall of silence. You can reach out to me in many ways, email me; tricia.mcknight@hotmail.com ; You will find me on Facebook - facebook.com/triciagirl62 ; Twitter - @tricialgirl62 or through my new blog site - survivorsjustice.com ; the Dreamcatchers for Abused Children website as above and for the blog talk programing as well. I encourage anyone who is suffering to reach out and connect with just one person you trust and allow the emotions that were forced to remain silent for so long to finally have a voice and be told. Talking about your past is a huge step in the healing process and no one should be forced to bury such horrific secrets of crimes against them; not crimes that they have committed. Remove the blame and shame from the victim and allow it to be placed where it should be, the evil monsters who attack us out of sick power to maintain control over what life has been given to us by the grace of God.
We all deserve the following positives in life and they have also been shared on the last page of my novel as a beginning list to your own "Positivity List" which will help you begin your own steps toward freedom and happiness.
Positive Thoughts About You
You deserve a safe place to sleepYou deserve respect
You deserve kindness and support
You deserve as much love as you freely give to others
You deserve roses in your garden of life
J.L. Whitehead
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Keep on pushing!!
In the Sixties, The Impressions came out with a song called, "Keep on Pushing". I found this song on Youtube and listened to the words intently, marveling at how at this point in time, the meaning couldn't have been more appropriate for me.
I'm still writing, but now I've branched off into editing the works of my constituents. I remember all too vividly what happened to me when I encountered people that misrepresented themselves and took my money without giving me what I paid for; and because of that, I decided to do the opposite. Not only do I give the people that I do business with more than they paid for, I give them more than they've come to expect. Customer Service 101 is simple...a happy customer is a loyal customer. I believe that it's my job to go above and beyond for everyone that I do business with and hope that they walk away happy. You explain everything that you are doing, answer all questions honestly and cultivate that relationship that is crucial in most business dealings.
I now have my book listed in Ingrams database which wasn't an easy task. I am now planning on a professional book launch while enlisting the aid of a media firm based in California. I know that no one can purchase a book that they don't know about, so hopefully, this will help me get to the place where I need to be.
Simultaneously, I plan on handing out PR cards in five major cities. I know that most of them will wind up on the ground, but if I play my cards right, hopefully 5% if of the people that take a card will either look for my book online or go to a bookstore to try to find it, and maybe that bookstore will order the book for shelf placement. We'll see.
The only thing I know is that Karma comes full circle, so I have to be honest in everything that I do and uplift when I can. That doesn't mean that I'm perfect by any means. All it means is that I've elected to try.
Or in other words...Keep On Pushing!!
J.L. Whitehead
I'm still writing, but now I've branched off into editing the works of my constituents. I remember all too vividly what happened to me when I encountered people that misrepresented themselves and took my money without giving me what I paid for; and because of that, I decided to do the opposite. Not only do I give the people that I do business with more than they paid for, I give them more than they've come to expect. Customer Service 101 is simple...a happy customer is a loyal customer. I believe that it's my job to go above and beyond for everyone that I do business with and hope that they walk away happy. You explain everything that you are doing, answer all questions honestly and cultivate that relationship that is crucial in most business dealings.
I now have my book listed in Ingrams database which wasn't an easy task. I am now planning on a professional book launch while enlisting the aid of a media firm based in California. I know that no one can purchase a book that they don't know about, so hopefully, this will help me get to the place where I need to be.
Simultaneously, I plan on handing out PR cards in five major cities. I know that most of them will wind up on the ground, but if I play my cards right, hopefully 5% if of the people that take a card will either look for my book online or go to a bookstore to try to find it, and maybe that bookstore will order the book for shelf placement. We'll see.
The only thing I know is that Karma comes full circle, so I have to be honest in everything that I do and uplift when I can. That doesn't mean that I'm perfect by any means. All it means is that I've elected to try.
Or in other words...Keep On Pushing!!
J.L. Whitehead
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Have you been the victim of discrimination?
This is an article that I published as a journalist for "The Examiner". It wasn't popular, but it is very much relevant!
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article entitled, “Is Corporate America REALLY ready for the LGBT”. At the time that the article ran, I sincerely hoped that the corporate landscape had indeed changed for the better when addressing the issues and concerns of the members of their staff that belong to the LGBT community. More and more corporations are adopting philosophies that include members of this community as well as other minority groups that make up our society. That, in and of itself, is a good thing. It paints the image of the landscape of Corporate America that realizes that our culture is comprised of people coming from a diverse background. We do not all share the same beliefs, race, background or religious affiliation…nor do we all share the same sexual orientation.
But the more things change, the more they stay the same. Unfortunately, there are still people in positions of authority that don’t subscribe to the ideology of embracing the differences that make our nation what it is. There are people that still cling to the fact that certain members of our community are less deserving of equal and fair treatment because of nothing more than the color of their skin. In fact, those very people honestly believe that they have the right to subject people that are not like them to treatment that would be best described as harassment.
I’ve heard horror stories about the intolerable boss who doesn’t acknowledge you for the contributions and accomplishments that you’ve brought to your team. I’ve heard them, and tried hard not to believe them…until they hit close to home. What I’ve come to realize is that the same bosses and supervisors that make work life questionable for some, for the most part do it knowingly. Discriminatory behavior displayed by anyone promotes an atmosphere of intolerance and translates to a “hostile work environment”; yet many people display questionable conduct in the name of their personal beliefs which often run counter to most company credos which often expound upon the belief of inclusiveness.
Those same people that promote a “hostile work environment” oftentimes do so in the name of their religion, ignorance or lack of social education. People that are not like them are deemed unworthy of proper recognition, promotion and fair career advancement, and that’s unfortunate. People that display these types of behaviors have also been doing it for a lot longer than we care to acknowledge, and as a result, have become quite proficient at doing so. They know what to say as well as what not to say, and they also know when to pull the behaviors back before crossing that proverbial line. They know that most people that are the victims of discriminatory actions have recourse if they can somehow prove that they have been victimized to begin with. And let’s face it; the ability to be able to prove that you were the victim is difficult, first off because you don’t WANT to be a victim. You don’t want to believe that your boss has an ax to grind because of what you represent to them. You may chalk it up to them just having a bad day…and that would be okay except I’ve always held true to the thought, “Why do I have to have a bad day because YOU are having a bad day?”
The other piece of the puzzle is that you don’t want to make a bad situation worse because we all know that we need our jobs. We need to make money to survive. And even though we can all admit that the economy has gotten better, it’s still not where it needs to be and a decent job is still on the difficult side of being easy to come by.
You don’t want to be the center of an investigation that may be resolved with minor coaching or even worse, with you being labeled as the trouble maker. It happens. And what you thought would’ve made a situation better only succeeded in making it worse.
Still, the good news is that people that are in positions where they are at the mercy of a supervisor that has questionable intentions don’t have to remain there. It takes time to get out of it, and it begins with you. It isn’t a hopeless cause:
Discriminatory behavior is illegal in this country, however discrimination based on sexual orientation is specific towards that corporations individual policies; and because of that, it makes it that much harder to prove. Don’t make yourself a target. Do your job and do it well and keep it moving forward!
The Numbers:
(1) The Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy aggregated a number of surveys to determine the extent to which gay and transgender workers experience discrimination and harassment in the workplace. Their findings illustrate that discrimination and harassment are pervasive:
REFERENCES:
Center for American Progress
http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2011/06/workplace_discrimination.html
J.L. Whitehead
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article entitled, “Is Corporate America REALLY ready for the LGBT”. At the time that the article ran, I sincerely hoped that the corporate landscape had indeed changed for the better when addressing the issues and concerns of the members of their staff that belong to the LGBT community. More and more corporations are adopting philosophies that include members of this community as well as other minority groups that make up our society. That, in and of itself, is a good thing. It paints the image of the landscape of Corporate America that realizes that our culture is comprised of people coming from a diverse background. We do not all share the same beliefs, race, background or religious affiliation…nor do we all share the same sexual orientation.
But the more things change, the more they stay the same. Unfortunately, there are still people in positions of authority that don’t subscribe to the ideology of embracing the differences that make our nation what it is. There are people that still cling to the fact that certain members of our community are less deserving of equal and fair treatment because of nothing more than the color of their skin. In fact, those very people honestly believe that they have the right to subject people that are not like them to treatment that would be best described as harassment.
I’ve heard horror stories about the intolerable boss who doesn’t acknowledge you for the contributions and accomplishments that you’ve brought to your team. I’ve heard them, and tried hard not to believe them…until they hit close to home. What I’ve come to realize is that the same bosses and supervisors that make work life questionable for some, for the most part do it knowingly. Discriminatory behavior displayed by anyone promotes an atmosphere of intolerance and translates to a “hostile work environment”; yet many people display questionable conduct in the name of their personal beliefs which often run counter to most company credos which often expound upon the belief of inclusiveness.
Those same people that promote a “hostile work environment” oftentimes do so in the name of their religion, ignorance or lack of social education. People that are not like them are deemed unworthy of proper recognition, promotion and fair career advancement, and that’s unfortunate. People that display these types of behaviors have also been doing it for a lot longer than we care to acknowledge, and as a result, have become quite proficient at doing so. They know what to say as well as what not to say, and they also know when to pull the behaviors back before crossing that proverbial line. They know that most people that are the victims of discriminatory actions have recourse if they can somehow prove that they have been victimized to begin with. And let’s face it; the ability to be able to prove that you were the victim is difficult, first off because you don’t WANT to be a victim. You don’t want to believe that your boss has an ax to grind because of what you represent to them. You may chalk it up to them just having a bad day…and that would be okay except I’ve always held true to the thought, “Why do I have to have a bad day because YOU are having a bad day?”
The other piece of the puzzle is that you don’t want to make a bad situation worse because we all know that we need our jobs. We need to make money to survive. And even though we can all admit that the economy has gotten better, it’s still not where it needs to be and a decent job is still on the difficult side of being easy to come by.
You don’t want to be the center of an investigation that may be resolved with minor coaching or even worse, with you being labeled as the trouble maker. It happens. And what you thought would’ve made a situation better only succeeded in making it worse.
Still, the good news is that people that are in positions where they are at the mercy of a supervisor that has questionable intentions don’t have to remain there. It takes time to get out of it, and it begins with you. It isn’t a hopeless cause:
· Keep a paper trail: If you believe that you are being victimized, note everything that has happened. Keep every email and keep track of every “coaching” session. If you are being victimized, then you may very well be the only one going to these undo coaching sessions. The sessions are needed to show that you are indeed a problem…whether they are legitimate or not. So keep them in a folder along with all of the associated paperwork.
· Talk to your constituents. Find out a little bit more about the background of your boss from those that have worked with him/her longer than you. Has this person demonstrated this type of conduct before?
· Be observant and be honest. Know your environment. Do you deserve the coaching session or write ups? Are the supervisor’s behaviors legitimate? Do they have merit? Are the disciplinary actions warranted?
The Numbers:
(1) The Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy aggregated a number of surveys to determine the extent to which gay and transgender workers experience discrimination and harassment in the workplace. Their findings illustrate that discrimination and harassment are pervasive:
- Fifteen percent to 43 percent of gay and transgender workers have experienced some form of discrimination on the job.
- Eight percent to 17 percent of gay and transgender workers report being passed over for a job or fired because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.
- Ten percent to 28 percent received a negative performance evaluation or were passed over for a promotion because they were gay or transgender.
- Seven percent to 41 percent of gay and transgender workers were verbally or physically abused or had their workplace vandalized.
REFERENCES:
Center for American Progress
http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2011/06/workplace_discrimination.html
J.L. Whitehead
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Review of "Somebody Else's Vows" by Norlita Brown
In some social circles, the ideology of monogamy and faithfulness is a joke. It’s an idea that seems to have fallen by the way of the milkman, penny candy and gasoline when it was less than a dollar per gallon. We’re living in an age where people find it easier to have the benefits of marriage for as long as they want, and then when the partner does something that is deemed unforgivable, they simply pack up their bags and leave, looking for the next good thing. The problem with that is that the individual can spend the rest of their lives looking for the next good thing and it may never show up.
There is a portion of our society that also believes that the sanctity of marriage is serious…that vows made before family, friends and God is important and they are to be honored at all costs. But simply because you’ve made the vows to honor, love, cherish, obey and protect through sickness and health, does it mean that you’ll never find anyone else attractive? Does it mean that the only person that you are drawn to is the person that you’ve sworn to love until death do you part?
Norlita Brown’s Somebody Else’s Vows tells the story of Alyssa Robertson; a woman who is by all accounts happily married and yet finds herself helplessly drawn to a man by the name of Ahmad. What takes place within the pages of this work is a very intense emotional affair that travels much like a roller coaster at Six Flaggs. There is a push/pull interaction between Alyssa and Ahmad that the reader can’t help but get drawn into.
At times, you wonder why Alyssa just doesn’t make her marriage to her husband work rather than focus on a man that she by all accounts can’t have. You are left to question the main character’s content of character as she propels herself into a relationship that seems doomed from the start. You may also wonder why a man of high moral standard and sound sensibility would want to be with a woman he cannot truly possess. These questions are addressed and presumably answered within the pages of Somebody Else’s Vows.
Norlita Brown displays a good writing style with a flair for character descriptives. She paints vivid emotional pictures with words even though sometimes you may question what comes out on canvas. The one thing that can be said about this work is that I will always remember it. The supporting character of “Tee” resonates with me as the voice of reason…keeping it real at all costs. When you get to page 181, you will see what I mean.
There are points in the synopsis that got lost within the pages of the book, one of which was the character of Ahmad being a devout Muslim and not wanting to contribute to Alyssa breaking her marriage vows. The ironic part about this is that his religious affiliation is not mentioned within the pages so you are left wondering why this was ever brought up in the synopsis.
Alyssa may come off at times like a selfish, self-absorbed prima donna who is only looking out for herself, but it’s because of that characteristic that I will never forget her. The moral of the story may be,” how does one negotiate the waters of someone that you find attractive after you’ve pledged your love to someone else”. Is it wrong to find someone attractive after you’ve wed? The answer of course is “no”. It’s what you do with that attraction that becomes the issue.
Still, there is one line that rings true for me in this work. It is found on page 75. “Infidelity is not just something that jumps out of nowhere. Neither does it sneak up on you like a thief in the night”. If infidelity strikes your marriage, nine times out of ten, something was out of kilter long before the third party entered.
To order "Somebody Else's Vow", go to the following web address:
www.brownessence.com
J.L. Whitehead
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