Years ago...many, many years ago...one of my brothers and I had a rift. You would think that out of my three younger brothers, the one that was right underneath me would have been the one that I had the most enduring relationship with. He was the one that took the trips with me to our grandparents farm every summer; and it was him that stayed by my side when we made these trips. I made sure that he was safe...made sure he was cared for...and overall, just enjoyed being in his company even if at times, he could work that last nerve.
Yet, as we grew older, we drifted apart. It was something that wasn't planned...it just happened. At eighteen, I left home. I wanted to find myself. I needed to find out who I was and discover what life held for me. Later, he told me that he resented being thrust into the position of being the "man of the house". I remember that while we were having this conversation and he conveyed to me what had been bothering him for years, I couldn't help but wonder who he thought played the role of the man of the house before the role had been thrust upon him. I suppose we both should have been angry with our father since the role clearly belonged to him, and he should have been there to lead, watch over and care for his family. As true as that is, I'll save that topic for another conversation. It would take too long to tackle that within the parameters of this blog.
The point is, my younger brother and I drifted apart to the point of hostility, and it took years before we were able to make our way back to one another. I know now that his reasoning for being upset with me wasn't because of the perception that he had a role thrust upon him that he didn't want. If that had been the case, it would have been simple to solve. It was more complicated than that...and one day, I'll share that with you as well. I guarantee that it will make for an interesting read as well as discussion.
The point is that brothers drift apart, and if they're lucky, they may find themselves back together again enjoying the brotherly bond that they once shared when they were children. My brothers know that I love them. I am fortunate enough to enjoy a distinctively different relationship with each of them..but each one reflects that bond that I believe most brothers share, and if they don't, they should. There's a reason why they say "blood is thicker than water."
But since we're human and humans being the imperfect creatures that they are are prone to mistakes and shortcomings. They say things that inflict pain...hold on to petty grudges, and can make life pretty miserable for one another.
As you read "Meeting of the Minds", you'll see the Whitfield Brothers at their best, and their worst. Men are men. They "flex" up on each other when it isn't needed only to love each other in the end. Here is a rift very similar to the one that I experienced with my own brother...a rift that has finally been healed.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
What makes an angry black man?
I thought long and hard before I decided to write about this topic. It's been sitting on me for quite some time now, and just like the tides of the sea, it comes and goes with a slight surge, and I then relive the feelings all over again. Now admittedly, the tide surges comes far and few between. Most of the time, I'm trying to live life on my own terms and make a place for myself in this world. I get so engrossed in figuring out what my next move will be to promote myself and my work that I forget how I wound up here. That is, until I have a conversation with someone who politely reminds me of how things are.
I wanted to write this because I think that it's important for people to know two things:
1. Not all black men are angry.
2. The ones that are have a reason to be.
I say these two things because I want people to understand that the mythology of the "angry black man" can be dismissed as someone who simply didn't get ahead because he chose not to claim what is his. To someone on the outside, the "angry black man" is only reaping the benefits of his work...or lack there of. The "angry black man" has been typecast as someone that wants a handout...someone that wants the free ride that he thinks his social counterparts have received already and he simply wants his fair share. That may be correct for some, but not for all.
You see, I realize that all I wanted in my life was to not be denied the opportunity to make the best of myself and be all that I can be; and to reap the rewards of my hard work. I thought that if I simply worked hard...perhaps harder than I ever did in my life, my efforts would be rewarded...but who would be rewarding me?
I understand now that my error was repeating the same mistakes over and over yet expecting a different result. Each time I started an entry level position, I began it with the hopes that if I worked hard, I would be rewarded with the recognition for my hard work and loyalty. But as the years passed me by, I realized that the recognition wouldn't come in the form that I thought it would...which is the outcome that was the norm some thirty years ago when hard work and loyalty were rewarded with promotions and raises.
Today, most companies look for a reason not to give you your just due while simultaneously looking for reasons for you to work twice as hard for the same wage. And this is not limited to black men...its to all men. Maybe this is the new norm...but it burns you out, and at some point, you're going to have to look at yourself in the mirror and decide what you want to do with yourself. Hopefully, you make the best decision that works for you.
But the one thing that I want people to understand is that the "angry black man" doesn't want a hand out. He doesn't want things to simply be given to him. That would be too easy. Instead, a man of substance wants to earn his way fairly. He just doesn't want his path blocked or made more difficult than it already has to be.
That had been my logic at one point in time. I don't want you to hand me the gold key...let me reach it on my own; just don't block my way if I get too close to it. Don't tell me that the sky is the limit as long as I should be content to look at it from the basement. That's not right or fair...and fairness is the key because that's all we've ever wanted.
No one wants to spend their entire adulthood in anger...not when there are so many other things that we can and should be doing to enrich the quality of our lives. So as the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, here's the thought that I will leave you with: If I were able to live comfortably and take care of the people that I love in the means that they should be cared for...would that in any way take away from you?
Just a thought.
I wanted to write this because I think that it's important for people to know two things:
1. Not all black men are angry.
2. The ones that are have a reason to be.
I say these two things because I want people to understand that the mythology of the "angry black man" can be dismissed as someone who simply didn't get ahead because he chose not to claim what is his. To someone on the outside, the "angry black man" is only reaping the benefits of his work...or lack there of. The "angry black man" has been typecast as someone that wants a handout...someone that wants the free ride that he thinks his social counterparts have received already and he simply wants his fair share. That may be correct for some, but not for all.
You see, I realize that all I wanted in my life was to not be denied the opportunity to make the best of myself and be all that I can be; and to reap the rewards of my hard work. I thought that if I simply worked hard...perhaps harder than I ever did in my life, my efforts would be rewarded...but who would be rewarding me?
I understand now that my error was repeating the same mistakes over and over yet expecting a different result. Each time I started an entry level position, I began it with the hopes that if I worked hard, I would be rewarded with the recognition for my hard work and loyalty. But as the years passed me by, I realized that the recognition wouldn't come in the form that I thought it would...which is the outcome that was the norm some thirty years ago when hard work and loyalty were rewarded with promotions and raises.
Today, most companies look for a reason not to give you your just due while simultaneously looking for reasons for you to work twice as hard for the same wage. And this is not limited to black men...its to all men. Maybe this is the new norm...but it burns you out, and at some point, you're going to have to look at yourself in the mirror and decide what you want to do with yourself. Hopefully, you make the best decision that works for you.
But the one thing that I want people to understand is that the "angry black man" doesn't want a hand out. He doesn't want things to simply be given to him. That would be too easy. Instead, a man of substance wants to earn his way fairly. He just doesn't want his path blocked or made more difficult than it already has to be.
That had been my logic at one point in time. I don't want you to hand me the gold key...let me reach it on my own; just don't block my way if I get too close to it. Don't tell me that the sky is the limit as long as I should be content to look at it from the basement. That's not right or fair...and fairness is the key because that's all we've ever wanted.
No one wants to spend their entire adulthood in anger...not when there are so many other things that we can and should be doing to enrich the quality of our lives. So as the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, here's the thought that I will leave you with: If I were able to live comfortably and take care of the people that I love in the means that they should be cared for...would that in any way take away from you?
Just a thought.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
When is it okay to forgive?
A quote was made by former president Bill Clinton that sums up who we’ve become as a society. The quote is simple. He states; “We have gone from being a people centered society, to a money centered society”. That resonates with a truth that cannot be ignored. We live in a society where trust seems to have gone the way of the milkman, general stores and penny candy. But just as trust has fallen by the wayside, another virtue has also followed the same path. We are living in an era where grudges are easily held. Anger over a misinterpreted word or action is allowed to fester instead of being addressed. Valued friendships are compromised; relationships altered and family bonds are shattered because of something that someone may have done or said.
We have a tendency to hold onto past hurts almost as if it were something of value; something that we claim instead of letting go of. And most times, the reasoning is we want to prevent the actions or words of another from being repeated. If the offense is grave, we will go to great lengths to remember what was done, living in the shadow of words and actions that may have shattered our psyche and peace of mind. And when this happens, we fail to realize that whoever perpetrated the offense is off living their life; most times not giving you any thought; not because they aren’t aware of what they’ve said or done. Most people aren’t stupid. Many folks know when they’ve hurt someone else whether it’s been done purposefully or not. Most people are surrounded by friends and associates that if made aware of the offense, will actually tell the individual what they’ve done. It is up to that individual to take action and do whatever it takes to right the wrong. And some people will…and some people won’t.
The challenge seems to be what to do when someone tries to make amends for the wrong they’ve done. Exactly when is it okay to forgive? Is it based upon the relationship that you have with the offender? Is it easier to forgive a parent, sibling or spouse versus a friend, acquaintance or distant relative? Do you forgive based on the gravity of the offense? Is it easier to forgive someone who gossips about you versus someone that rejects your love? Only you can answer that question.
Oprah Winfrey broadcast a show where she discussed this very topic. She stated that she had been out with a friend of hers one afternoon when she saw someone that had wronged her. She watched as the individual laughed while her stomach did somersaults. She was so consumed with anger at what they had either done or said that she couldn’t see straight; and then it slowly dawned upon her that the only person that was upset in this scenario was her. The other person was laughing having a wonderful afternoon…going into a jewelry store of all places! The other person had probably not given her any thought since the incident in question. Whether right or wrong, the person had elected to go on with their lives while Oprah remained in a state of anger. It was in that moment that she decided to forgive the individual, and once she had done so, the power that the offending party once had over her dissipated.
Many people think that forgiving someone that wronged them is for the other person, but it really isn’t. Forgiving someone who has hurt you is for you because what you are doing is giving yourself the gift of freedom. That person cannot hurt you anymore. If that person never comes to you to ask for forgiveness, it’s okay because you’ve already unshackled yourself in a manner of speaking. Most people need to hear the “I’m sorry” before they can forgive, but one thing that you need to understand if you haven’t already is that everyone isn’t necessarily capable of acknowledging when they hurt you. In fact, some people may legitimately not be aware that they have wronged you in any way, shape or form. Some people may not be able to understand that they’ve wronged you, and no matter what you or anyone else says, they will hold onto to their perception of innocence because they are simply hard-wired to do so.
No matter who you’re dealing with, you have a choice; because life is in part all about the choices you make. You can choose to be upset for the rest of the day, week, month, year or years; or you can make the conscious choice to forgive the person that hurt you. And what about forgiving but not forgetting? Is that just another way of not forgiving the person? That’s a good question, but the simple truth of the matter is that if you find yourself constantly reliving the offense in the guise of not forgetting, then you really haven’t forgiven them. It’s okay to remember, but it’s not okay to fixate on the offense so much and so often that you wind up becoming upset all over again.
Now when should you forgive someone and why? Well we know the why, but what about the when? Who is entitled to forgiveness? What offenses warrant forgiveness and are there instances where it is okay to hold a grudge? What happens when a husband cheats on his wife? What happens when someone takes a life? What happens when your very faith in humanity is put to the test? What happens then?
Forgiveness isn’t easy. In fact, forgiveness at times can be the hardest thing that you can do. And it doesn’t end with simply forgiving the person that has hurt you. Sometimes, you may have to forgive them for the same thing repeatedly. That is called “walking in” forgiveness.
There will come a time when you will walk in those steps and you will fall. Your anger may come back with a vengeance. You may feel comfortable in just being angry at the person; and if that works for you, that’s okay. Just remember that forgiveness is a gift that you are deserving of. It’s all a part of loving yourself. No one has the right to take away your sense of self-worth or well-being. You have the right to walk upright and you also have the right to feel good, each and every day.
So here’s the question that only you can answer for you: When is it truly okay for you to forgive?
We have a tendency to hold onto past hurts almost as if it were something of value; something that we claim instead of letting go of. And most times, the reasoning is we want to prevent the actions or words of another from being repeated. If the offense is grave, we will go to great lengths to remember what was done, living in the shadow of words and actions that may have shattered our psyche and peace of mind. And when this happens, we fail to realize that whoever perpetrated the offense is off living their life; most times not giving you any thought; not because they aren’t aware of what they’ve said or done. Most people aren’t stupid. Many folks know when they’ve hurt someone else whether it’s been done purposefully or not. Most people are surrounded by friends and associates that if made aware of the offense, will actually tell the individual what they’ve done. It is up to that individual to take action and do whatever it takes to right the wrong. And some people will…and some people won’t.
The challenge seems to be what to do when someone tries to make amends for the wrong they’ve done. Exactly when is it okay to forgive? Is it based upon the relationship that you have with the offender? Is it easier to forgive a parent, sibling or spouse versus a friend, acquaintance or distant relative? Do you forgive based on the gravity of the offense? Is it easier to forgive someone who gossips about you versus someone that rejects your love? Only you can answer that question.
Oprah Winfrey broadcast a show where she discussed this very topic. She stated that she had been out with a friend of hers one afternoon when she saw someone that had wronged her. She watched as the individual laughed while her stomach did somersaults. She was so consumed with anger at what they had either done or said that she couldn’t see straight; and then it slowly dawned upon her that the only person that was upset in this scenario was her. The other person was laughing having a wonderful afternoon…going into a jewelry store of all places! The other person had probably not given her any thought since the incident in question. Whether right or wrong, the person had elected to go on with their lives while Oprah remained in a state of anger. It was in that moment that she decided to forgive the individual, and once she had done so, the power that the offending party once had over her dissipated.
Many people think that forgiving someone that wronged them is for the other person, but it really isn’t. Forgiving someone who has hurt you is for you because what you are doing is giving yourself the gift of freedom. That person cannot hurt you anymore. If that person never comes to you to ask for forgiveness, it’s okay because you’ve already unshackled yourself in a manner of speaking. Most people need to hear the “I’m sorry” before they can forgive, but one thing that you need to understand if you haven’t already is that everyone isn’t necessarily capable of acknowledging when they hurt you. In fact, some people may legitimately not be aware that they have wronged you in any way, shape or form. Some people may not be able to understand that they’ve wronged you, and no matter what you or anyone else says, they will hold onto to their perception of innocence because they are simply hard-wired to do so.
No matter who you’re dealing with, you have a choice; because life is in part all about the choices you make. You can choose to be upset for the rest of the day, week, month, year or years; or you can make the conscious choice to forgive the person that hurt you. And what about forgiving but not forgetting? Is that just another way of not forgiving the person? That’s a good question, but the simple truth of the matter is that if you find yourself constantly reliving the offense in the guise of not forgetting, then you really haven’t forgiven them. It’s okay to remember, but it’s not okay to fixate on the offense so much and so often that you wind up becoming upset all over again.
Now when should you forgive someone and why? Well we know the why, but what about the when? Who is entitled to forgiveness? What offenses warrant forgiveness and are there instances where it is okay to hold a grudge? What happens when a husband cheats on his wife? What happens when someone takes a life? What happens when your very faith in humanity is put to the test? What happens then?
Forgiveness isn’t easy. In fact, forgiveness at times can be the hardest thing that you can do. And it doesn’t end with simply forgiving the person that has hurt you. Sometimes, you may have to forgive them for the same thing repeatedly. That is called “walking in” forgiveness.
There will come a time when you will walk in those steps and you will fall. Your anger may come back with a vengeance. You may feel comfortable in just being angry at the person; and if that works for you, that’s okay. Just remember that forgiveness is a gift that you are deserving of. It’s all a part of loving yourself. No one has the right to take away your sense of self-worth or well-being. You have the right to walk upright and you also have the right to feel good, each and every day.
So here’s the question that only you can answer for you: When is it truly okay for you to forgive?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Office Meeting
Office Meeting
Jai sat behind his desk, drumming his fingers lightly on the
surface. He had called Taylor and was a little disappointed that his
call went directly into her voicemail. He wished that he had been
able to get a hold of her so he could bounce the idea of what would
be the best way to approach Nate about his involvement with the
dealing going on in North Philly. The only piece of evidence that
Matt Prescott had was a single picture of Nate on the scene with a
package in his hand. It was nothing incriminating. Suspicious?
Yes, but not incriminating. It placed him in the area and that was it.
Unless Prescott knew something he didnʼt. Tim seemed to know
Prescott well. Maybe Tim could tell him if Prescott was a standup
kind of guy or if he was a cop always kept an ace for himself in the
card deck of life. Jai was almost certain that he was the latter.
He leaned back in his chair when his phone began to ring.
Hoping that it was Taylor, he reached for the handset.
“Yeah?”
“Jai?” The female voice asked.
“Yeah?”
“Itʼs Sylvia. I have someone out here in the lobby to see you.
He says that heʼs your brother. Nathaniel Whitfield?”
Nate? It took a moment for it to register. Jai sat up in his
chair. “Send him in Sylvia. Thanks.”
“Not a problem.” She chirped.
Now what would Nate want with him? He guessed that he
didnʼt have to ask Taylor for any input on this issue. In a few
minutes, he would have the answers that he wanted, even if he
didnʼt like them all. Nate entered his office thirty seconds later,
appearing a little disheveled despite his fine, expensive clothes.
He didnʼt say a word as Nate stepped in and closed his office door
behind him.
“Have a seat.” Jai gestured to one of the two leather armchairs
facing his desk.
Nate seated himself in one and reached into his jacket pocket
for a cigarette.
“Donʼt smoke in here man.” Jai said a bit too sternly.
Nate paused and looked at Jaiʼs desk. “Then whatʼs the
ashtray for?” He said.
Jai glanced at it for a moment and then back at Nate.
“Thatʼs for clients who smoke. Are you going to employ me?”
Nate shook his head from side to side, mumbling something
that sounded like “this muthafucka” to himself and tucked the pack
of cigarettes back into his jacket.
“Whatʼs on your mind?” Jai asked.
“Damn, can you get out your lawyer mode for a minute?” Nate
was agitated. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“Good, because I need to talk to you about something too.
You go first.”
Nate swallowed for a second, staring into his brotherʼs eyes.
“Is Tim Walsh your boss?” Nate began.
“Tim?”
“Yeah. Is he your boss?”
“Heʼs a partner but I wouldnʼt exactly call him my boss.”
“You work for him donʼt you?”
“I work for the firm. Heʼs a partner in this firm.”
“Well, then heʼs your boss!” Nate snapped.
Jai took a deep breath. He could feel the tension building in
the room.
“Look, you and Tim need to concentrate on your clients and
leave anything that doesnʼt concern you alone.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know a cop called Matt Prescott?”
“Weʼve met.”
“You need to leave him alone.”
“And since when did you become an authority on what I
need?” Jai suddenly felt he wouldnʼt have to approach Nate about
his possible dealing. He would have all of his answers he needed
without opening his mouth.
“Look, this cop ainʼt no good. Heʼs gonna wind up getting you
and Tim killed.”
“How so?”
“Canʼt you just back out of this like I asked you without asking
any questions?”
“No. No I canʼt. Iʼm a lawyer. Iʼm nosey for a living.” Jai sat
up in his chair.
“You need to leave him alone Jai. Seriously man. No bullshit.”
“Why donʼt you start by telling me what youʼre into?”
“Iʼm handlinʼ my business!” Nate replied defensively. “I just
want you to leave this Prescott person alone before somethinʼ bad
happens.”
“Why?”
“Leave it alone Jai. You donʼt want none of that. Just leave it
alone and everyone will be okay.”
Jai glanced out of his office window. He knew that if he were
going to get any kind of direct and honest answer, he was going to
have to play the family card.
“Do you remember when we were younger Nate? When Ryan,
you and I used to go to the matinee on Sundays? Mom would give
us money so that we could head up to the Esquire at Broad and
Olney. That was before the invasion of the mall theatres. We used
to split the biggest tub of popcorn and I would get the Milkduds, you
would get the Raisinets and Ryan would get the Sugarbabies.
Back then we used to just hang out and talk and laugh. We used to
do a lot of laughing.”
Jai turned to look at Nate who was sitting quietly in his seat.
“Whatever happened to that man?” Jai asked softly.
“Shit happens.” Nate responded. “Life happens.”
“But we used to be so close man. We used to laugh all the
time. And then one day, we stopped laughing.”
“Daddy died.”
“But we didnʼt.”
“Look, donʼt take me down memory lane, just leave Prescott
alone awwʼiight?”
“What are you into Nate? Are you into something that you
canʼt get out of? Are you in over your head?”
“Iʼm fine!” Nate stood abruptly.
“Because if you are into something bad, we can get you out.
I would go to the mat for you man! You know that!”
“Iʼm not into anything that I canʼt handle.” Nate turned to
leave.
“Are you dealing drugs?” Jai blurted it out before he realized
that he had.
Nateʼs back stiffened.
“No, Iʼm not dealing.” Nate said, as he turned toward Jai. “Iʼm
not dealing drugs.”
“You can tell me anything man. You know that?”
“No, I donʼt know that.”
“Well, if you donʼt then Iʼm telling you.” Jai stood up. “Prescott
showed me a picture of you with some kind of package in your
hand down in North Philly. He wants to nail you so please, tell me
how deep you are into this drug thing man. If youʼre not dealing,
are you using?”
“Itʼs a bit late for you to be playing big brother, ainʼt it?”
Jai took a deep breath. “No. Itʼs never too late. Just like itʼs
never too late to tell someone that you love them.”
“Unless theyʼre dead.”
“But youʼre not…and, I can still tell you.” He walked around his
desk. “I love you man and if you need me for anything…. Just
please donʼt close the door on us.”
“I didnʼt close the door on us to begin with.” Nate said dryly as
he started toward the office door.
“What are you talking about?”
“You fuckinʼ left me!” He whirled on him, shouting at Jai from
the top of his lungs. “You left me man! None of yaʼll were there for
me because you were too busy doinʼ you!”
“What in the hell are you talking about?” Jai asked, surprised
by the sudden outburst until he caught the look of hurt and anger in
Nateʼs eyes. Something was there but it was out of reach.
“Just leave Prescott the fuck alone Jai. You, Joshua and
Taylor will be so much better off if you just leave that cop alone.”
Jai shook his head, approached his brother and placed a hand
on his shoulder. To his surprise, he found that Nate was trembling.
“We can get through this Nate. But youʼve got to trust me. We
can do anything. Remember? Three Musketeers?”
Nate raised his arm and brushed Jaiʼs hand from his shoulder.
“Just leave Prescott alone.”
“Iʼll leave him alone if you talk to me. I swear to God that I
wonʼt talk to him ever again if you promise to come by and talk to
me.”
Nate inhaled deeply.
“You always had the Raisinets. Iʼll never forget that.” He
looked at Nateʼs face. It looked like a jigsaw puzzle struggling to
put the pieces that didnʼt fit into place.
“You leave Prescott alone. Iʼll come by and we can talk.”
“When?”
“Let me call you.”
Jai looked at his brotherʼs face, into his eyes and saw that they
were becoming misty. “Call me tonight, okay?” Jai placed his hand
on his brotherʼs shoulder once again.
Nate nodded and started toward the door before another word
could be said. He was out the door and down the hall in a flash.
Jai turned toward his desk, hoping that Nate would be a man
of his word. As he sat down in his chair, he thought about the
Sunday afternoons that he, Ryan and Nate used to spend at the
movies and his heart began to ache with nostalgia. That had been
a completely different era. There was no crack, no drive by
shootings, no one came to school with guns to kill their classmates.
That was a time that he was fortunate enough to have experienced.
He remembered trick or treating at Halloween, the birthday parties
that Thandi used to throw them. He thought even more and
remembered the good old days. He remembered the neighborhood
girls playing double-dutch and he remembered when the chalk
outlines on the street were for hopscotch instead of bodies. What
ever happened to that? What happened to dodge ball, wall ball
and playing touch football - the boys against the girls. And if any
boy had the ball, the girls would catch him and beat him up. What
happened to the late show and the late, late show? What
happened to the shoe shine kit he used to have? What happened
to games like Freeze Tag, One-Two-Three Redlight, Mother, May I
and Hide and Go Seek?
Damn.
Jai sat behind his desk, drumming his fingers lightly on the
surface. He had called Taylor and was a little disappointed that his
call went directly into her voicemail. He wished that he had been
able to get a hold of her so he could bounce the idea of what would
be the best way to approach Nate about his involvement with the
dealing going on in North Philly. The only piece of evidence that
Matt Prescott had was a single picture of Nate on the scene with a
package in his hand. It was nothing incriminating. Suspicious?
Yes, but not incriminating. It placed him in the area and that was it.
Unless Prescott knew something he didnʼt. Tim seemed to know
Prescott well. Maybe Tim could tell him if Prescott was a standup
kind of guy or if he was a cop always kept an ace for himself in the
card deck of life. Jai was almost certain that he was the latter.
He leaned back in his chair when his phone began to ring.
Hoping that it was Taylor, he reached for the handset.
“Yeah?”
“Jai?” The female voice asked.
“Yeah?”
“Itʼs Sylvia. I have someone out here in the lobby to see you.
He says that heʼs your brother. Nathaniel Whitfield?”
Nate? It took a moment for it to register. Jai sat up in his
chair. “Send him in Sylvia. Thanks.”
“Not a problem.” She chirped.
Now what would Nate want with him? He guessed that he
didnʼt have to ask Taylor for any input on this issue. In a few
minutes, he would have the answers that he wanted, even if he
didnʼt like them all. Nate entered his office thirty seconds later,
appearing a little disheveled despite his fine, expensive clothes.
He didnʼt say a word as Nate stepped in and closed his office door
behind him.
“Have a seat.” Jai gestured to one of the two leather armchairs
facing his desk.
Nate seated himself in one and reached into his jacket pocket
for a cigarette.
“Donʼt smoke in here man.” Jai said a bit too sternly.
Nate paused and looked at Jaiʼs desk. “Then whatʼs the
ashtray for?” He said.
Jai glanced at it for a moment and then back at Nate.
“Thatʼs for clients who smoke. Are you going to employ me?”
Nate shook his head from side to side, mumbling something
that sounded like “this muthafucka” to himself and tucked the pack
of cigarettes back into his jacket.
“Whatʼs on your mind?” Jai asked.
“Damn, can you get out your lawyer mode for a minute?” Nate
was agitated. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“Good, because I need to talk to you about something too.
You go first.”
Nate swallowed for a second, staring into his brotherʼs eyes.
“Is Tim Walsh your boss?” Nate began.
“Tim?”
“Yeah. Is he your boss?”
“Heʼs a partner but I wouldnʼt exactly call him my boss.”
“You work for him donʼt you?”
“I work for the firm. Heʼs a partner in this firm.”
“Well, then heʼs your boss!” Nate snapped.
Jai took a deep breath. He could feel the tension building in
the room.
“Look, you and Tim need to concentrate on your clients and
leave anything that doesnʼt concern you alone.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know a cop called Matt Prescott?”
“Weʼve met.”
“You need to leave him alone.”
“And since when did you become an authority on what I
need?” Jai suddenly felt he wouldnʼt have to approach Nate about
his possible dealing. He would have all of his answers he needed
without opening his mouth.
“Look, this cop ainʼt no good. Heʼs gonna wind up getting you
and Tim killed.”
“How so?”
“Canʼt you just back out of this like I asked you without asking
any questions?”
“No. No I canʼt. Iʼm a lawyer. Iʼm nosey for a living.” Jai sat
up in his chair.
“You need to leave him alone Jai. Seriously man. No bullshit.”
“Why donʼt you start by telling me what youʼre into?”
“Iʼm handlinʼ my business!” Nate replied defensively. “I just
want you to leave this Prescott person alone before somethinʼ bad
happens.”
“Why?”
“Leave it alone Jai. You donʼt want none of that. Just leave it
alone and everyone will be okay.”
Jai glanced out of his office window. He knew that if he were
going to get any kind of direct and honest answer, he was going to
have to play the family card.
“Do you remember when we were younger Nate? When Ryan,
you and I used to go to the matinee on Sundays? Mom would give
us money so that we could head up to the Esquire at Broad and
Olney. That was before the invasion of the mall theatres. We used
to split the biggest tub of popcorn and I would get the Milkduds, you
would get the Raisinets and Ryan would get the Sugarbabies.
Back then we used to just hang out and talk and laugh. We used to
do a lot of laughing.”
Jai turned to look at Nate who was sitting quietly in his seat.
“Whatever happened to that man?” Jai asked softly.
“Shit happens.” Nate responded. “Life happens.”
“But we used to be so close man. We used to laugh all the
time. And then one day, we stopped laughing.”
“Daddy died.”
“But we didnʼt.”
“Look, donʼt take me down memory lane, just leave Prescott
alone awwʼiight?”
“What are you into Nate? Are you into something that you
canʼt get out of? Are you in over your head?”
“Iʼm fine!” Nate stood abruptly.
“Because if you are into something bad, we can get you out.
I would go to the mat for you man! You know that!”
“Iʼm not into anything that I canʼt handle.” Nate turned to
leave.
“Are you dealing drugs?” Jai blurted it out before he realized
that he had.
Nateʼs back stiffened.
“No, Iʼm not dealing.” Nate said, as he turned toward Jai. “Iʼm
not dealing drugs.”
“You can tell me anything man. You know that?”
“No, I donʼt know that.”
“Well, if you donʼt then Iʼm telling you.” Jai stood up. “Prescott
showed me a picture of you with some kind of package in your
hand down in North Philly. He wants to nail you so please, tell me
how deep you are into this drug thing man. If youʼre not dealing,
are you using?”
“Itʼs a bit late for you to be playing big brother, ainʼt it?”
Jai took a deep breath. “No. Itʼs never too late. Just like itʼs
never too late to tell someone that you love them.”
“Unless theyʼre dead.”
“But youʼre not…and, I can still tell you.” He walked around his
desk. “I love you man and if you need me for anything…. Just
please donʼt close the door on us.”
“I didnʼt close the door on us to begin with.” Nate said dryly as
he started toward the office door.
“What are you talking about?”
“You fuckinʼ left me!” He whirled on him, shouting at Jai from
the top of his lungs. “You left me man! None of yaʼll were there for
me because you were too busy doinʼ you!”
“What in the hell are you talking about?” Jai asked, surprised
by the sudden outburst until he caught the look of hurt and anger in
Nateʼs eyes. Something was there but it was out of reach.
“Just leave Prescott the fuck alone Jai. You, Joshua and
Taylor will be so much better off if you just leave that cop alone.”
Jai shook his head, approached his brother and placed a hand
on his shoulder. To his surprise, he found that Nate was trembling.
“We can get through this Nate. But youʼve got to trust me. We
can do anything. Remember? Three Musketeers?”
Nate raised his arm and brushed Jaiʼs hand from his shoulder.
“Just leave Prescott alone.”
“Iʼll leave him alone if you talk to me. I swear to God that I
wonʼt talk to him ever again if you promise to come by and talk to
me.”
Nate inhaled deeply.
“You always had the Raisinets. Iʼll never forget that.” He
looked at Nateʼs face. It looked like a jigsaw puzzle struggling to
put the pieces that didnʼt fit into place.
“You leave Prescott alone. Iʼll come by and we can talk.”
“When?”
“Let me call you.”
Jai looked at his brotherʼs face, into his eyes and saw that they
were becoming misty. “Call me tonight, okay?” Jai placed his hand
on his brotherʼs shoulder once again.
Nate nodded and started toward the door before another word
could be said. He was out the door and down the hall in a flash.
Jai turned toward his desk, hoping that Nate would be a man
of his word. As he sat down in his chair, he thought about the
Sunday afternoons that he, Ryan and Nate used to spend at the
movies and his heart began to ache with nostalgia. That had been
a completely different era. There was no crack, no drive by
shootings, no one came to school with guns to kill their classmates.
That was a time that he was fortunate enough to have experienced.
He remembered trick or treating at Halloween, the birthday parties
that Thandi used to throw them. He thought even more and
remembered the good old days. He remembered the neighborhood
girls playing double-dutch and he remembered when the chalk
outlines on the street were for hopscotch instead of bodies. What
ever happened to that? What happened to dodge ball, wall ball
and playing touch football - the boys against the girls. And if any
boy had the ball, the girls would catch him and beat him up. What
happened to the late show and the late, late show? What
happened to the shoe shine kit he used to have? What happened
to games like Freeze Tag, One-Two-Three Redlight, Mother, May I
and Hide and Go Seek?
Damn.
When family is all you have...is that enough?
Coming from a family of boys has its upside and downsides. It seems like everything is great when there is peace and harmony, but when there is chaos and anger...well, let's just say that it can seem like the end of the world as you know it.
As I talk to the people that I meet about family, the responses that I get range from full head-on agreement to a cursory nod. I know that everyone doesn't share the same sentiment that I do because their circumstances may be somewhat different. Some may even think that I may be rubbing my good fortune of having siblings that love and care about me in their face, and it may cause resentment.
Still, it's for that very reason that I wrote about three brothers whose personalities are so different from one another. Brothers don't always agree. Brothers fight. Brothers may even say or do the most hateful things to make you leave them. But that's with any family dynamic. We say things to hurt one another. We do things to alienate each other...sometimes purposely, sometimes not.
Well, sometimes when the chips are down, family may be all you have. For some of you reading this, it may be of no consolation; to others it may be a saving grace. I thought about this carefully as I wrote this story. I realized that everyone doesn't share my experience of having a loving family. But if I had that experience, then maybe others had it too. And if they did, then maybe they can relate to the characters in this story.
Nate is the youngest of the three brothers who has managed to ascend to one of he highest ranking position in a drug distribution gang set up in a notorious neighborhood called, "The Block". His oldest brother, Jai, is a successful attorney in one of Philadelphia's top law firms. Jai's boss has come to him with some information that he received from a police detective by the name of Matt Prescott that incriminates Nate. But we all know that things are never as they seem.
So what happens when family is all you have? Would that be enough? Sadly for some of us, it is never enough because we may live in a place where family has hurt and disappointed us repeatedly. There is nothing that they can say to right the wrongs. But what would happen if those same people put aside their differences for just a moment and remember the good times? Would that be enough to open the heart and mind to accept help if indeed help is needed? Could you go back in time to a place where hardships consisted of not having enough but knowing that you'll make it because your siblings were there with you? Is it enough?
As I talk to the people that I meet about family, the responses that I get range from full head-on agreement to a cursory nod. I know that everyone doesn't share the same sentiment that I do because their circumstances may be somewhat different. Some may even think that I may be rubbing my good fortune of having siblings that love and care about me in their face, and it may cause resentment.
Still, it's for that very reason that I wrote about three brothers whose personalities are so different from one another. Brothers don't always agree. Brothers fight. Brothers may even say or do the most hateful things to make you leave them. But that's with any family dynamic. We say things to hurt one another. We do things to alienate each other...sometimes purposely, sometimes not.
Well, sometimes when the chips are down, family may be all you have. For some of you reading this, it may be of no consolation; to others it may be a saving grace. I thought about this carefully as I wrote this story. I realized that everyone doesn't share my experience of having a loving family. But if I had that experience, then maybe others had it too. And if they did, then maybe they can relate to the characters in this story.
Nate is the youngest of the three brothers who has managed to ascend to one of he highest ranking position in a drug distribution gang set up in a notorious neighborhood called, "The Block". His oldest brother, Jai, is a successful attorney in one of Philadelphia's top law firms. Jai's boss has come to him with some information that he received from a police detective by the name of Matt Prescott that incriminates Nate. But we all know that things are never as they seem.
So what happens when family is all you have? Would that be enough? Sadly for some of us, it is never enough because we may live in a place where family has hurt and disappointed us repeatedly. There is nothing that they can say to right the wrongs. But what would happen if those same people put aside their differences for just a moment and remember the good times? Would that be enough to open the heart and mind to accept help if indeed help is needed? Could you go back in time to a place where hardships consisted of not having enough but knowing that you'll make it because your siblings were there with you? Is it enough?
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Did I fail religion - or did religion fail me?
I remember when I was a young boy attending a parochial school in West Philadelphia. School at that point in time was more trying than anything else, and I remember feeling like I didn't fit in. It wasn't that I hated school or the Catholic Church associated with it. I just remember feeling like I was always standing just on the outside of my class...not fitting in but wanting to. I didn't like sports but I had to play. I sucked at softball and was even worse at basketball. I guess I didn't know then that my talents were geared more to reading, writing and literature. But I think my teachers should have seen it. After all, I was a superior speller...or at least if I wrote the words down on a piece of paper first I was.
I had deep faith in church at that time, but it wasn't because my mother forced me to go to church. It was knowing that there was a God that loved me. He loved me despite the fact that I perpetually struck out when it was my turn at bat. He loved me when I played a game of "Rough Outs" and never made a basket, or if I did, it was completely by accident.
As I grew up and realized that I had a choice. I didn't have to go to church on Sundays if I didn't want to. There was no one around to make me. I did attend church every now and then but I didn't have a church home.
It wasn't until I reached my late twenties when things changed. I had lost someone...someone that I loved very much. And I was devastated. I remember walking around the streets of Mt. Airy feeling lost. It was getting dark, and I didn't know where else to go, so I went to a local area church. I walked up to the rectory door and rang the bell. A young priest answered the door and asked if he could help me. I responded by asking him if I could talk with him for a few minutes. He let me in and we went to a small office and he closed the door and motioned for me to sit across from him. And then he asked me what was wrong. I looked at him for a minute, and it was as if everything that was weighing me down came pouring out in one instant. I couldn't stop crying. So he sat there, looking at me with compassion. When I finally got it together, I told him that I just wanted it to stop. That's all I wanted. The pain that I was carrying was too much for me. All I wanted it to do was stop. We talked for about an hour after that and I remember coming back at another time to speak with him again. Eventually, he was transferred to another parrish presumably, but I will never forget what he did for me then. Now, you would think that this would be the end of the story and that I would tell you that me and the church was always on good terms, but I would be lying.
Later, I joined a church and served there happily for almost 12 years. And then something happened that eroded my faith and I never got it back. No...a priest didn't attempt to molest me, but I bellieved that one lied to me. You may ask yourself what is the big deal, people lie all the time. But it wasn't the fact that he lied, it was the fact that he didn't think that I was entitled to the truth. It's not worth going into the specfics of what occured, but it is important to know that at the time, I put a tremendous amount of faith in the church and it's diety. I trusted it with the same understanding that I am a man with my faults and shortcomings. I readily admit that. I also realized that if a leader of a church could not care about being completely honest to one of his members, then how could this man effectively lead me? I mean, aside from studying theology and dedicating his life to serving God in a way that I never could, was he really that much different or better than me?
Well, I wound up leaving that church, and ever since then, I haven't been able to find a chuch home. To be honest with you, something inside of me died once I left that church. I never stopped believing in God...or at least God as I understand Him to be, but I did leave the church. I realized that many churches interpret the Bible differently. They preach love, peace and humility, but in the end, we are men (and women) and we all fall short.
Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I expected too much. And maybe I'm not willing to open up my heart and trust the way I did before. I think about that from time to time. People have asked me to come with them to church and I always seem ready to go and then I back out at the last minute. I guess that I'm not ready to deal with anyone else's faults except my own. I mean, I know what religion is and grant it, it does have it's place in society today.
But for me, I have to love it from a distance. Now don't get me wrong, I talk to God more now than ever. Maybe it's because I know that I don't have a church to go to that I feel that I have to pray even harder to keep those communication lines open. And in the end, God is the only one I trust.
Still, at 12:37 A.M., the thought still came to me: Did I fail religion, or did religion fail me? I think the answer to that is it's both. I think that in the end, we failed each other.
I had deep faith in church at that time, but it wasn't because my mother forced me to go to church. It was knowing that there was a God that loved me. He loved me despite the fact that I perpetually struck out when it was my turn at bat. He loved me when I played a game of "Rough Outs" and never made a basket, or if I did, it was completely by accident.
As I grew up and realized that I had a choice. I didn't have to go to church on Sundays if I didn't want to. There was no one around to make me. I did attend church every now and then but I didn't have a church home.
It wasn't until I reached my late twenties when things changed. I had lost someone...someone that I loved very much. And I was devastated. I remember walking around the streets of Mt. Airy feeling lost. It was getting dark, and I didn't know where else to go, so I went to a local area church. I walked up to the rectory door and rang the bell. A young priest answered the door and asked if he could help me. I responded by asking him if I could talk with him for a few minutes. He let me in and we went to a small office and he closed the door and motioned for me to sit across from him. And then he asked me what was wrong. I looked at him for a minute, and it was as if everything that was weighing me down came pouring out in one instant. I couldn't stop crying. So he sat there, looking at me with compassion. When I finally got it together, I told him that I just wanted it to stop. That's all I wanted. The pain that I was carrying was too much for me. All I wanted it to do was stop. We talked for about an hour after that and I remember coming back at another time to speak with him again. Eventually, he was transferred to another parrish presumably, but I will never forget what he did for me then. Now, you would think that this would be the end of the story and that I would tell you that me and the church was always on good terms, but I would be lying.
Later, I joined a church and served there happily for almost 12 years. And then something happened that eroded my faith and I never got it back. No...a priest didn't attempt to molest me, but I bellieved that one lied to me. You may ask yourself what is the big deal, people lie all the time. But it wasn't the fact that he lied, it was the fact that he didn't think that I was entitled to the truth. It's not worth going into the specfics of what occured, but it is important to know that at the time, I put a tremendous amount of faith in the church and it's diety. I trusted it with the same understanding that I am a man with my faults and shortcomings. I readily admit that. I also realized that if a leader of a church could not care about being completely honest to one of his members, then how could this man effectively lead me? I mean, aside from studying theology and dedicating his life to serving God in a way that I never could, was he really that much different or better than me?
Well, I wound up leaving that church, and ever since then, I haven't been able to find a chuch home. To be honest with you, something inside of me died once I left that church. I never stopped believing in God...or at least God as I understand Him to be, but I did leave the church. I realized that many churches interpret the Bible differently. They preach love, peace and humility, but in the end, we are men (and women) and we all fall short.
Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I expected too much. And maybe I'm not willing to open up my heart and trust the way I did before. I think about that from time to time. People have asked me to come with them to church and I always seem ready to go and then I back out at the last minute. I guess that I'm not ready to deal with anyone else's faults except my own. I mean, I know what religion is and grant it, it does have it's place in society today.
But for me, I have to love it from a distance. Now don't get me wrong, I talk to God more now than ever. Maybe it's because I know that I don't have a church to go to that I feel that I have to pray even harder to keep those communication lines open. And in the end, God is the only one I trust.
Still, at 12:37 A.M., the thought still came to me: Did I fail religion, or did religion fail me? I think the answer to that is it's both. I think that in the end, we failed each other.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
When is it okay to judge?
Recently, I got in touched with a friend that I had back in high school. I hadn't seen him in about 35 years, yet through the magic of technology, we connected. We weren't exceptionally close back in the Seventies. At best, we shared a few classes and maybe exchanged a few words to one another in passing. We didn't sit at the same lunch room table, didn't congregate outside during break and we didn't run in the same social circles. But he grew up to be an amazingly tolerate man. We text each other from time to time, but the messages are never the short exchanges that people commonly use on the phone. As a matter of fact, maybe texting is the wrong word. Maybe the more appropriate word descriptive is "email exchange". We have had many long email exchanges...mostly because we have so much to say to one another. I'm learning more about my friend now because I realize that he has become so much more than what I remember him to be back in high school.
As time marches on, we all change. We're not the same person we were last year much less 35 years ago. But if you are true to yourself, the good in you is still there...or what I would like to call, the essence of you. One of the things that he said to me in one of our exchanges is that he doesn't judge anyone regardless of race, creed, political affiliation, religion or sexual orientation. His viewpoint is very simple. You can miss out on knowing someone spectacular if you refuse to get to know someone because they fall into a category that you either don't want to understand or made yourself believe that you don't need to.
I've been fortunate enough to have had people come into my life that have rolled with me...stood by my side in my darkest hours and carefully evolved from being an associate to becoming a friend. There are people that do this not because they have to, but because this is their nature. They welcome differences just as easily as they take their next breath of air.
It made me think. Where have I fallen short in adopting this ideology, since its that very thought process that would make this world a better place. Do we as a people look for reasons to hold each other at bay instead of opening our arms wide and letting people in? Is it easier for us to remain wrapped up in ourselves as opposed to saying, "I wish to get to know you BECAUSE you are not like me" as opposed to limiting myself to people that share my viewpoints.
As I write this, I keep thinking of my friend, wondering if I can ever become the man that he seems to be. I wonder if those qualities are in my blueprint because I have a tendancy to hold people at bay, not because I'm not welcoming. I've been accused of being too welcoming and too trusting...and then the damage is inflicted. I've done something that may have been misconstrued or someone that I allowed to get too close turned out to be everything except what I thought they were. And then feelings are hurt...and we all know that with each hurt, a scab has to form. During the healing process, the area is tender and prone to infection. So you take the necessary precautions to protect it in the hopes that it will never be hurt like that again. People are like that. But sometimes, we protect ourselves so much that we miss out on some great opportunities to meet some fascinating people as we embark on this journey that we call life.
I listen as some people talk about others as if they have no value; that their very existence somehow casts a blight on humanity. I've been guilty of that thought process but more times than not, I have been the victim of it...yet I should know better.
I've always said that people judge others because somewhere deep inside them, there is a sense of insecurity that needs to be protected. Instead of letting the insecurity go, its easier to hate and condemn. I think about that too, because many of us spend time thinking of more ways to judge others than to simply live and let be. We think that the people that we don't understand will somehow take something from us if we validate their existence, but the simple truth is that it's your own bigotry that takes away from you, not the presence of the other person.
In my walk to becoming successful in this industry, I'm learning how to let go and let God. And maybe...just maybe, I can be a little bit more like my high school friend.
As time marches on, we all change. We're not the same person we were last year much less 35 years ago. But if you are true to yourself, the good in you is still there...or what I would like to call, the essence of you. One of the things that he said to me in one of our exchanges is that he doesn't judge anyone regardless of race, creed, political affiliation, religion or sexual orientation. His viewpoint is very simple. You can miss out on knowing someone spectacular if you refuse to get to know someone because they fall into a category that you either don't want to understand or made yourself believe that you don't need to.
I've been fortunate enough to have had people come into my life that have rolled with me...stood by my side in my darkest hours and carefully evolved from being an associate to becoming a friend. There are people that do this not because they have to, but because this is their nature. They welcome differences just as easily as they take their next breath of air.
It made me think. Where have I fallen short in adopting this ideology, since its that very thought process that would make this world a better place. Do we as a people look for reasons to hold each other at bay instead of opening our arms wide and letting people in? Is it easier for us to remain wrapped up in ourselves as opposed to saying, "I wish to get to know you BECAUSE you are not like me" as opposed to limiting myself to people that share my viewpoints.
As I write this, I keep thinking of my friend, wondering if I can ever become the man that he seems to be. I wonder if those qualities are in my blueprint because I have a tendancy to hold people at bay, not because I'm not welcoming. I've been accused of being too welcoming and too trusting...and then the damage is inflicted. I've done something that may have been misconstrued or someone that I allowed to get too close turned out to be everything except what I thought they were. And then feelings are hurt...and we all know that with each hurt, a scab has to form. During the healing process, the area is tender and prone to infection. So you take the necessary precautions to protect it in the hopes that it will never be hurt like that again. People are like that. But sometimes, we protect ourselves so much that we miss out on some great opportunities to meet some fascinating people as we embark on this journey that we call life.
I listen as some people talk about others as if they have no value; that their very existence somehow casts a blight on humanity. I've been guilty of that thought process but more times than not, I have been the victim of it...yet I should know better.
I've always said that people judge others because somewhere deep inside them, there is a sense of insecurity that needs to be protected. Instead of letting the insecurity go, its easier to hate and condemn. I think about that too, because many of us spend time thinking of more ways to judge others than to simply live and let be. We think that the people that we don't understand will somehow take something from us if we validate their existence, but the simple truth is that it's your own bigotry that takes away from you, not the presence of the other person.
In my walk to becoming successful in this industry, I'm learning how to let go and let God. And maybe...just maybe, I can be a little bit more like my high school friend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)